Strangeness and Charm
by julialikesdubstep
Summary: What is love at first sight? Crap, right. Right. Based on Strangeness and Charm, by Florence and The Machine, Renata is going to turn Julia's world upside down.
1. Not Florence Welch

**Strangeness and Charm**

My name is Julia. Julia Katherine Hammilton. - You may not realize how affluent I am because, well, you are not part of this story. But, as you start reading this, you might find it similar to yours. Or your friend's story. – My family is the owner of the biggest network petroleum company of America, the "Hammilton Co." This means that I shouldn't be working as a Portuguese teacher on a Portuguese course in Minneapolis and I shouldn't be a teacher. Or work, you might be thinking! But well, things are not like people expect to be. We should not be what others think we should. I'll start my story telling you why I am not working at my family's Company. Its simple. Im tired of being labeled. Being famous is just like… Think of Paris Hilton. She's an heiress. Just like me. And she is very popular and gets into trouble a lot, right? I can guarantee that this would pretty much be my future if I hadn't left New York.

After our trip to Brazil when I was twelve, I completely fell in love with the culture and the language. So I started to learn their language. Its really difficult, I daresay. But with time it doesn't look that hard anymore.

Anyway, I am glad my first job is on the same place as my best friend's. Her name is Jazmin, but she doesn't teach Portuguese, but Spanish.

I woke up that very first morning in that strange new state called Minnesota, but more precisely the noisy city of Minneapolis. I left my empty – but full of sealed boxes that need to be opened so I can call this house home – apartment wearing my heart on my sleeve. I could almost feel it tearing apart for being away from those I love so I can follow my dreams. My own dreams. Luckily the taxi showed up in thirty minutes. And then I left to that scary new life. Im glad work isn't that far from home.

When I first saw her, I could swear she was special. I didn't even have to talk to her. I didn't even have to make an effort to call her attention. I just stared. I simply stared.

Her, with her flowered long skirt and white tee shirt. Her, with all those green necklaces and golden bracelets. Too much information but yet too much adorableness.

Her, the woman I first saw when I walked in for the first time on my new job. Yes, her. With red hair, pale skin and red lipstick. She might also be the tallest woman in this place. And the oldest, probably.

Not that she is old. Its just that the others employees are too young. I am too young. Only twenty one.

I took a deep breath, suddenly feeling all embarrassed because I realized I was staring at her for so long. Good thing she didn't notice me back.

I stronger held my purse on my hand and walked in on the teacher's room.

Melancholic but tidy and neat, the teacher's room seemed to be a good place to start a new friendship.

"Hello." – I smiled to the people that were there. A dark haired woman. She might be asian. And a short red headed man, whose glasses looked funny on his face.

Fortunately, he smiled back first.

"Are you the new teacher? Im Mark Fitzpatrick. I teach the youger ones." He reaised his hand to greet me.

"Julia Hammond. Yeah, I guess that's me. Nice to meet you." – My shaky hands suddenly stopped shaking when our hands touched. He had freckles.

"Hey, aren't you-" – Mark started.

"Alicia Won. Hi." – The dark haired woman, now known as Alicia Won, interrupted Mark by standing up from the chair she was sitted on and forced a smile when she looked at me.

"Hi." – I greeted her. – "So… I need to-"

"See you guys already know Mrs. Hammilton." – Claire Wilson, the principal entered making her way to the coffee machine and giving us a warming smile. "She's going to stay here for a while, replacing Mrs. Carlton for this semester. Also good morning." – She laughed. She seemed to be a good person. She came close to me, smiling. – "How are you feeling about all this new place? I bet it's very different from where you used to work, right?"

Embarrassed, I answered – "Well, I didn't work much on my father's business, really. I've been working on local Universities in NY but nothing like this, to be honest. But it feels good."

"Oh. This is great. Well, what you need to know is…" She started talking but I wasn't listening to her anymore.

She, the tall woman I saw, the beautiful eccentric woman I saw, suddenly opened the door and entered. Looking at me. My heart started racing. I could barely breathe. How beautiful she was. How perfect. And those green eyes, they looked like a forest. I was lost in the forest that was her eyes. I nodded in agreement to mrs Wilson, but my thoughts were all drifted to her. The girl I don't even know the name.

"Good morning to you too, Florence Welch." – Mark laughed and so did her.

Florence what? No. Impossible. I tried to understand the situation. She isn't Flo from Florence and The Machine. But wow, she looks really like her.

"Told you to stop calling me Florence." – What a beautiful voice. Oh my. And her laughter. I found myself smiling.

"Morning, Mrs. Klein. Let me introduce you to the new teacher, the one we talked about last week, remember?" – Mrs. Wilson grabbed my hand and we went to meet – the now known – Mrs. Klein. Only when I thought my heart couldn't race any more, I was wrong. I could feel it pumping out of my chest..

"Mrs. Hammilton, this is Renata Klein, she teaches the same level as you and I think you guys are probably going to get along."

"Do you have something to do with the Hammilton Co., Mrs. Hammilton?" We shaked our hands. I just couldn't stop smiling. My face must've been burning the whole time.

Again, my family's Company in the story.

"Uh, yes. Actually." – I laughed nervously. – "And please, call me Julia."

"Julia." – She looked deep in my eyes. What a precious moment. Time stoped. At least for me. – "Ok. Call me Renata, then."

"Ain't this a Brazilian name?"

She giggled. Oh my God, I would never get tired of watching her acting this way.

"Actually, I am Brazilian."

"Oh, really? Amazing."

And after all of the adorableness, beautifulness (if this word even exist), she is Brazilian? Ok, let me marry you, Mrs. Klein.

"Ok guys. Its almost eight. Better grab your stuff and go to your respective classrooms. Mrs. Klein, can you show Mrs. Hammilton her classroom?" – The Principal said, pushing us out of the room.

"Sure. Come with me."

.


	2. Jazmin, I hate you

"Julia! Julia!" – When I turned around all I could see was a crazy Jazmin running in my direction. Im glad she did it outside the building.

We hugged each other, laughing about the situation.

"Oh, Im sorry I didn't talk to you in the morning! I was so busy taking care of the tests. But hi! Missed you! How are you, mí querida (my dear)?"

God, how she talks.

"Hey, Jaz! Im good, thank you very much." – I giggled. – "Bet so are you, huh?"

"Yeah. Do you know what we're going to do tonight? Pizza night with the ladies. I already invited your friends."

I stared at her, unbelieving.

"Friends?"

"Yup. Just so you guys get to know each other better. Alicia, Mark and Renata. They're your friends now, right?"

"Oh my God, I cant believe you are doing this to me!" – I smiled. Renata was going to be there. Right?

"They're my friends too, ok?"

"I guess Alicia didn't like the idea, really." – I remembered the dark haired woman from the morning. Not very welcoming.

"Oh. She's like this to every new person. Is just a matter of getting used, I swear. Also, Diana was a very good friend of her. She might be missing her." – Jazmin and I sitted on a picnic bank.

A quiet moment came while we started eating our lunch. But that wasn't awkward. Me and Jazmin didn't need a talk to make us enjoy each other's company..

"So… How was it?" – She asked.

"Today? Good… Kids are intelligent. But I feel like they are wondering my presence. I guess Mrs. Carlton methods were a little bit different from mine. But they's get used. They always do. And the Principal, Mrs. …"

" Wilson."

"Yes, Mrs. Wilson, I forgot, she is very nice. I liked her."

"She is."

"And…" – I little smile came, without permission, to my lips.

"And what, Mrs. Hammilton? Oh, how I know this perky smile."

"Nothing… Is just… Oh no. Totally crap. I mean, how could it be possible or even real, taking for granted that I just met her today?!" – That silly smile just didn't want to leave.

"Who is her? Oh my God, Julia!" – Jazmin laughed.

"Renata. The red headed. Ok. I said." – If there existed a competition on who could blush more. I'd say I was the winner.

"No way!" – She whispered.

"I mean it."

"Is she gay?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? Like, I've only talked to her once! And it was about work! This is insane. I know."

"Julia Katherine Hammilton, you don't waste time, do you?"

"Stop, Jaz. And please don't tell it to anyone. I said anyone, ok?" – Suddenly all I could feel was fear. What if she finds out?

"I wont. Promise. Now, for tonight, Im thinking about a horror movie session? What do you think? And maybe we can get to know more about Renata."

I checked if we weren't being heard by anyone.

"Im excited, I have to say. And I hate you."

'I bet you do hate your best friend that is about to give you a girlfriend."


	3. Im not coming, definitely

I went home at four. Exactaly four o'clock. Traffic was ok. I was so anxious for tonight. I turned on the television and it popped out my favorite soap opera. I stared at it for five minutes, if not less. Not watching. Just staring. My mind was so far away.

After lunch with Jazmin, I went to the teacher's room again, this time straightening my hair and stopping at the mirror to check if everything was ok.

Sadly she wasn't there. I projected my lower lip forward. What a childish act, I thought.

When I left from my last class, happily partially because the day was over and partially because night was coming and I didn't know what to expect. You never know what to expect when it comes to Jazmin Handler. When I turned the hallway I saw Renata on her cellphone. Her facial expression was… Confused. I lacked the courage to go ask her what's wrong. It wasn't the moment. I stepped back and made my way to the taxi stop.

No longer staring at the TV, I decided to take a bath. A long bubbled bath.

Six, Six thirty, Six fourty five. I went to put my clothes on.

What to wear? This is certainly every girl's indecision. I felt to ordinary. A laughter came out from my lips. I was feeling like a teenage girl who is about to have the first kiss. Pathetic.

It was just a pizza and movie night at my best friend's house with her friends and soon my friends too. And Renata WAS A FRIEND. I closed my eyes and thought about it for a few minutes. She may be straight, I thought. Just because Im in love with her doesn't mean she will love me back. And oh, am I in love? This is the funniest thing that's ever happened to me. I only met her once, for God's sake! Someone please come get her out of my head!

"I don't have to go. Jaz will understand." – I spoke to myself. – "It will be good for my sanity… That's it. Im not going."

I laid in bed, sighing loudly. I picked up my phone and when I was just about to dial Jazmin's number, it rang.

Guess who it was. Yeah.

"You're coming, right? Its at seven. I already told the girls you'd be coming. I want to introduce you to my friends. Are you ready already? You can come earlier to help me prepare the stuff." – Her voice shouted excitement.

"Look, Jazmin, I…"

"Oh no, I know what you're about to say. Get this lazy butt out of the couch and come. I'll be waiting here. You know where I live, right?"

"Yes, I do know where you live." – I smiled. How could I say no to her?

"Kay, come now. Bye."

Before I could say anything she turned off the phone.

I moaned alone. It echoed.

I opened my clothes box and found my shorts. I chose a black blouse and boots to match. I stared at the mirror.

"Its ok, Julia. Just… Relax." – I found pathetic me talking to myself but it was the only way to calm myself down.

Then I called a cab.

"On my way… Xx" – I texted Jaz.

…

"I ordered Florence and Portuguese pizzas. Do you think they'll like pineapples on the pizza?" – Jazmin asked, jumping on the couch, picking up the DVDs.

Funny, I thought. Florence and Portuguese pizzas. You must be kidding me.

"I guess it's a good idea. Pineapple is good. What DVDs did you rent?" – I changed the subject.

"I don't know, really. I just judged by it's cover. Whatever. Its an adventure, right? I mean, your girlfriend is coming!" – Jazmin laughed, having fun about the situation.

How I hate you, Jazmin. I thought. Of course I loved Jaz. But sometimes she drives me crazy.

"Thank you for remembering me of her… Speaking of her, is she coming, really?"

"Yeah, of course. In about… 5 minutes because…"

Then the bell rang. And my heart stopped.


	4. I love Minneapolis

I sitted on the couch as Jazmin opened the door. I think I was developing an OCT, because I organized all the DVDs in alphabet order while I heart her voice. Oh my God, she was here.

I faced her, smiling and got up from the couch.

"Hello, Julia."

"Hello, Renata" – I couldn't stop smiling. She noticed it, of course.

"I… I guess I came early but its just because I thought Jazmin would need some help and… I don't know, home was boring, you know." – She lightly stroked her head, messing up her hair. Her bangs were split in half. God, look at her face. Stunning face. It looks like she just jumped out from a Renaissance paiting. Just beautiful. She has this beautiful squared face that just makes you wanna kiss it all the time.

Control yourself, I thought.

"Ha, I understand you. Home is boring. Especially when you just moved from another state and still have all your things packed in a box. I just was too lazy to unpack stuff." – I smiled.

We sitted on the couch while Jazmin went to the kitchen.

"Oh, Claire told me. Remember Claire, the Principal?" – She smiled, looking at me.

I couldn't believe we were just having a conversation! What a huge step! From nothing to something! I am something in her life, right now! And she knows my name! Yay!

"Yeah, I remember." – What a victory! I paid attention on what she was saying. Oh, wait. They talked about me. Which means she knows a few things about me. ME.

Stop fangirling, stupid.

"I think you know already about me, right? So… You're brazilian…" – I watched her cross her legs. God damn it. Long legs. So white. And this black skirt isn't helping.

"Yeah, I am. I've been living here since I was eighteen. And now I am thirty three. Its been a long time. I guess you're wondering why I moved out from the beautiful city of Rio to the cold Minneapolis. Well, I fell in love for this guy and… You know, sometimes things just don't work out the way we plan it to work, right? And I was young and naïve. But here I am." – I could see through Renata's eyes that she suffered a lot in the past. All I wanted to do was to hug her tight. And never let her go.

Let me make you happy, beautiful lady…

"I had a relationship like this once. Totally crap. But we get through." – I warmly smiled at the gorgeous heart broken woman I was staring at.

"Are you seeing someone, Julia?"

That was an innocent question, obviously. But it made my heart race again.

"I'm…"

I was interrupted from my beautiful fairytale when Jazmin appeared with hers friends. I could see Mark next to the table. How did the house got so full so quicky?

…

Two pizzas weren't enough. We had to order more two.

Movies were great. I was sad Renata was sit on the other couch. Jazmin made it clear that we had to sit together because she was scared. Well, Renata was scared too…

When the second movie finished, Renata was the first to talk.

"I gotta go, guys. Work tomorrow soon and… Well Mark, you should get going too." – She smiled at her very good friend. They seemed to get along very well.

"Why do I have to get a cab, Jesus, why?" – Without thinking, I just complained.

"Wanna come with me, Julia? I believe your house isn't far away from here." – Renata looked at me. I wasn't believing she was offering me a ride home.

"Oh, I don't wanna bother you…"

"Not a problem at all, silly. Come with me. Come on."

Jazmin and I locked eyes and her faces were just comics.

When we were in the car I felt uncomfortable. I just didn't know how to act.

"Movies were great. What a pity Mark was with his girlfriend and I had to sit alone." – Renata looked at me for a second.

"I see you and Mark are very good friends." – I made a note.

"Yeah, he is like my best friend. My buddy, whatever you call this. I mean, since I started dating girls he's been the one on my side, you know."

Wait. Stop the world. What did she just say? Dating girls? Am I in Heaven or what?

"Girls?" – I didn't mean to say it too loud but…

"Yeah. Oh." – I could feel she was embarrassed.

"Its on the next left. The green building." – I said, guiding her.

One minute passed.

"So, here we are."

"You asked me if I was seeing someone." – I swallowed dry. – "I am not."

"And…?" – She stared at me. I stared at the floor.

"I date girls too, just so you know." – I said. Then I realized I sound desperate and incoherent. – "But, but…"

She kissed me. Oh my God. She kissed me.

With her hand on my neck and everything. I could feel the other wanting to come closer.

I kissed her back. I just couldn't believe this was happening.

Her lips were so delicate and her breath smelled like vanilla. Somehow it smelled like vanilla. I wanted more.

But she stopped.

"I… I better go home. See you tomorrow," – She tossed. – "Mrs. Hammilton"

I left the car without saying a word and when I entered home I felt like the most lucky person in the world.


	5. I hate Minneapolis

I fell asleep at two a.m.

Who the heck falls asleep at two a.m when needs to be at work at eight? Only a girl that was kissed by the most stunning woman in the world. Yes.

I woke up full of excitement. What if she likes me back? Oh God. Should I tell this to Jazmin or should I wait to know if there is really a "something" going on?

Opted for the second option. Sounded more mature, once I haven't been mature these last couple of days.

I washed my face and covered it with makeup so it could look "stareable".

I called a cab. I needed to buy a car as soon as possible. But if not having a car meant going home in Renata's car, I was satisfied.

I came to work just in time. Not sure if I should go and talk to her, I just gave her a smile and she smiled back. I sighed in relief.

Time went by too slow. All I could think of was Renata and the kiss.

"Girl, you should see yourself in the mirror right now. Look, Alicia." – Mark joked about my "in love" face.

"What happened, Julia?" – Alicia asked. – "Look, you need to hand in this formulary. Is for the kids' reunion at next Saturday."

"Oh, ok. Thank you." – I grabbed the paper.

Lunch time. I saw Jazmin sit on the bank with a few people, whose name I forgot, from yesterday. I didn't want to bother them.

I saw Renata eating on the sidewalk. Staring at nothing.

"Hey." – I smiled, looking down at her,

"Hey. Sit." – She looked at me. And I obeyed her. – "We need to talk."

"Ok. Ummm, first of all, is it about the whole thing yesterday? Cause I didn't mean to…" – I started apologizing about something I didn't even know.

"I was a little bit drunk and the kiss was just… I don't know, maybe its because I told you my story and I felt like I needed a person and… Well, Im sorry."

My heart suddenly broke into a million pieces.

I looked at the sky and sighed hard, swallowing my tears. How weak I am!

"So, you are saying that yesterday was wrong."

"No. Im saying that yesterday was a mistake. I didn't mean to…"

"Oh no, I understand you. Ok. Well, I guess Jazmin wants me to join her at the lunch table. See you around." – I stood up and without thinking, I just walked away.

I tried to wipe my tears away but at every gesture I felt humiliated and terrible and the most stupid person in the world. Nobody could ever see me like this.

So I went to the restroom. And tried to put myself together. It felt like years. And yesterday? It felt like a dream. Felt like none of that happened.

One of my problems is that when I fall for someone, I fall hard for this someone and… Well, this is such a childish way to deal with things. Lock myself in the restroom and try to hide myself from the world.

It wouldn't help a thing.

First, because she doesn't even give a fuck about anything. She is probably there sit on the same spot she was when I found her. Eating her fucking sandwich. How I hate this town.

I just wanted to leave.

Second, because I had duties. It was my work place. I was here to work. Not to fall in love with crappy people.

I left the restroom with my head up and went to my duty. Yeah, my duty.

At the end of the day, it was dark already. Renata and I had to stay longer to organize the welcoming party.

We stayed quiet for a long time. Until she opened her mouth.

"I… Im feeling awful right now."

"Are you sick?" – I wanted to sound cold. Apparently, I had success.

"No… I feel bad because I didn't have the chance to explain myself to you this afternoon. You left so fast."

"I thought I was bothering you."

"Why would you be bothering me?"

I took a deep breath.

"Well, I don't know, really. Whatever, past is past."

"You didn't let me finish my explanation."

"Yesterday was a mistake. I get it."

"I don't know whats going on between us. I mean, I met you yesterday and then we kissed? Who the hell starts a relationship like this? It felt so wrong, it's… This is just my way of saying lets try this again." – She stared at her feet, embarrassed.

I approached her and whispered.

"Im sorry for today."

"You took the words out of my mouth." – She smiled.

"Hi, I am Julia." – I raised my hand, once again, to greet her.

"Hi, I am Renata. Nice to meet you." – We greeted each other, then.

Well, that was a new whole start. Again.


	6. Sweet Nothing

The welcoming party was at eight. My shift ended at four. I still had time to go shopping and buy a nice dress for the party.

During the day, we didn't get to see each other very much and Jazmin kept me very busy including me on her friends' circle. Not that I didn't want to have friends, it's just that I wasn't the popular kind of person. If I had only one friend, that would be enough.

"What are you going to wear tonight?" – Renata asked while we were making our way to the Teacher's Room. – "Because I have no clue on what to wear."

"Well, this is an informal party so I guess you don't have to worry about putting your best outfit, you know." – I smiled at her, while I was organizing the files on the shelf. – "And besides, you look pretty in pretty much everything."

I flirted with her, I know. But I couldn't help it. She was just flawless.

She blushed and smiled at me. This was a beautiful scene, I ought to say.

"How do you feel about shopping with me after work?" – She asked.

I couldn't help but smile back.

"This was my plan for the evening, to be honest. Sure."

Renata grabbed her leather briefcase – the one she used to carry everywhere she went- and when she was about to leave the room, she said:

"Ok, then. There are only two classes left. Meet me in the parkway."

The only thing I could do on that moment was smile. I smiled while messing up my own hair, smiled while I grabbed my marks and smiled while I greeted people on the corridor and finally, I smiled while I entered the classroom.

The parkway was empty and I could recognize her wine-colored car easily. I sit on the sidewalk next to her car and my phone rang a Jazmin's message.

"Wanna watch a movie before the party? Breaking Dawn Part 2 is on now."

I read it twice. I had to tell her.

"Nope. Sorry. Im gonna go shopping and Renata is giving me a ride, so… See you at 8. Xx"

I sent the message and just when my hand was in my pocket putting the phone on it, Renata showed up. She had her hair up on a messy ponytail and her bangs were the same way, as always.

"Have you been waiting here for too long?" – She opened the car's door, waiting for me to open mine.

Yes, I have.

"No, not at all." – I gave her an amicable smile and entered the car.

"Mark wanted me to help him out choosing what to give for Valentine's Day but I don't know Ashley very well. But according to Mark women always know." – She giggled. Her giggled were so precious.

"What did you say to him, then?"

"Told him to be original. Not to do things according to the traditional." – She was smiling while talking. – "I told him to take her to her favorite place in the world. Then he just smiled and thanked me. I guess I helped him figure out what she wants." – The last sentence was almost like a whisper. She didn't look at me, she was lost in her inner thoughts.

One thing I figured out I loved about Renata was the way she made it clear that she is not traditional and she likes being different. It makes her so unique. I wish someday I could be at least a little like her.

"This is beautiful." – I sighed. How romantic she is!

I ignored Jazmin's text message fangirling about my sweet nothing. Because yeah, I was living on such sweet nothing right now. There was but yet there wasn't anything going on between us. This was my sweet illusion. Because although I wanted, I didn't have what I wanted the most. And what I wanted was simply her.

We parked and left the car, excited about trying dresses. The main topic of the conversation was basically clothes and stores.

I tried my first outfit. A pink dress. Not too short, not too long. But she didn't like it. Well, neither did I. I guess I just wanted to look sexy.

Then she picked up a red, long dress. What a beautiful dress! I tried and it fitted perfect.

"This is the one."

"You look amazing, Julia."

I only felt desire while she looked at me. Studying all my curves. All I could feel was the need to be with her.

"Your turn now, Mrs. Klein."

"There we go." – We laughed and then we went back to the main section of the store.

She tried a thousand dresses. God, how undecided she is!

After a few minutes waiting outside the taster clothing, she called my name. Her voice was so sweet.

"Julia, could you come here please?"

I immediately stood up from the chair and followed her voice.

"Is there anything wrong, my dear?" I held the door that was separating us.

"I cant close the dress. Can you pull the zipper for me?"

I opened the door and there she was. Wearing a green dress, staring at the mirror. We kind of smiled to each other when we saw our reflections on the mirror.

"This dress is beautiful." – I said, more to myself than to her, while pulling the zipper up.

"Nice choice, huh?"

"There you go." – I looked at her.

I don't know what was on her mind on that very moment. But in mine, there was an indecision between making out on the taster clothing and leaving the place as soon as possible before something worse happens.

As you may be wondering, I chose the first option.

Our kiss started slowly, by just enjoying each others company. Then it started to have hands all over. All I wanted was to take her home.

"I need to get this shit out of me." – Renata whispered, between kisses, while she took off her dress.

Her hands were fast. As fast as a blink of an eye, her hands were all over me again. But I couldn't take this too far.

"This is a public place." – I laughed at the situation. – "Im sorry."

"Don't be." – She smiled.

I almost didn't notice that she was only wearing bra and panties. I suddenly blushed.

"I better wait for you outside. Then what about an ice cream?"


	7. Green eyes, green dress

I arrived home late. Shopping with Renata was a therapy. She's just amazing.

You might be wondering if we kissed again and everything. Well, we didn't. I think it was because we were both insecure about what was going on and we didn't want to rush things. But, you might be asking yourself, we made out on the taster clothing.

Well, shit happens.

When we were in the car, again that awkward silence. We both had the same thing on mind. The make out session. But we both were too scared to talk about it.

"So, thank you for today. You really helped me out to find a dress." – I was the first to break the silence.

"It was a pleasure. Thank you too, Julia." – She looked at me.

Although we both know that all this courtesy wasn't necessary, we were not sure about how to talk to each other.

"So, I better go."

"Yes."

It felt like hours passed when the true was that only five seconds the most passed.

"Ah, ok. Bye." – I awkwardly leaned to give her a kiss on the cheek and we almost kissed on the lips. She embarrassedly laughed.

"Im sorry." – And we looked to each other once again.

"Its ok." – I took a deep breath. – "See you at eight."

"At eight. I'll be the one next to the food table with the green dress eating candies hidden." – She joked.

I slightly laughed.

"You wont be that hard to find, then… Bye… Again."

"Go." – She sighed, her eyes pleading for release.

So I left.

I carefully chose my makeup. Not to forget the red lipstick because it gives you all the magic. I swear red lipsticks are magic.

At eight I was entering the building. I found Renata talking to a few people. There were kids all around. Kids greeting me, kids shouting to each other, kids eating (mainly) and antisocial kids with imaginary friends.

When she glanced at me, I smiled and waved at her. She whispered a small "Hi" and then I went to talk to Jazmin.

"Why didn't you tell me that you and Mrs. Florence Welch are dating?" – I could get used to Renata's nickname.

"Because we are not. Where did you hear this stupid statement?" – I whispered.

"I didn't need to. When she arrived, she asked me if I knew if you were already coming. And I said I didn't. Because mysteriously you stopped answering my text messages. I am dying to know the truth. Please." – It almost felt like a cry. I had fun seeing Jaz acting this way.

"There's nothing going on between us. And Im sorry I didn't text you back. I was busy having a life."

Before she could say anything, I felt cold hands on my shoulders.

"There you are." – Renata said.

I turned around and there she was. Smiling. Beautiful. Stunning. There were not possible adjectives to describe her.

"I didn't want to interrupt you."

"Oh. Ok. Jazmin, can I borrow your dear friend just for a second?" – She looked deep straight to Jazmin.

Jazmin looked at me and then at Renata.

"Sure. She is all yours. See you later."

And then we went to sit on the garden. There weren't much people there and the music wasn't too loud.

"I thought I would find you being fat and eating candies." – I laughed.

"Wel…" – She laughed too. – "I wanted to cause a good impression, you know. But as I said, I am the girl with the green dress." – She pointed at her beautiful dress.

"Yes, you are. And what a beautiful dress, Mrs. Klein."

"When you call me like this I feel like we're strangers. In fact, we still are, I mean, I only met you two days ago. But… well, you know…"

"I know." – I said, not to make her blush harder. – "Why, Renata?"

"Why what?"

I sighed.

"I feel like there's something between us. I want to be sincere here. And I don't know how to act around you. Really."

"Said we'd be taking things slowly…"

"We are."

"Im glad you're here." – She sounded very sincere.

I laid my head on her shoulder.

"This dress. It matched your green eyes. You have beautiful green eyes, you know?"

"Thank you. Oh, you're making me blush."

I looked at her. So cute.

"Oh my God, this is cute. Look, you're blushing." – I laughed.

She got all embarrassed.

"Stop!" – We were both laughing.

"Ladies, you know the party is inside the building, right?" – Claire Wilson, the Principal, just showed up out of nowhere.

It was my turn to blush.

"Yes, ma'am. Were going. Come on." – I grabbed Renata's hand and the stood up.

"Now you are the one blushing here." – She whispered as we made our way to the party.

"Shut up. You're still too red."

And she snapped my arm. I laughed louder.


	8. The Baby And Her Nanny

"Mark, I didnt know you could dance!" – I laughed, while watching the silly Mark dancing to Lady Gaga.

"This is embarrassing, Mark. You are embarrassing us." – Renata covered her face with her hands.

"Oh, not at all. Come dancing!" – He pulled her closer and she started laughing, grooving to the sound of the music. All I could do was watching that bizarre scene.

I was hypnotized by watching her dancing like that. It wasn't sexy or anything like that. It was just… Cute. Yes, cute. My girl was a cute dancer.

My girl. Yeah. For that night, at least, I could guarantee you that she was my girl.

"Are you going to leave me alone dancing, Julia? Come on, let's see how you move." – Renata grabbed my hand and we started dancing.

I was too embarrassed to notice everybody was on the dance floor too. We danced hand in hand. I was too nervous to let her go.

After a few songs, a calm song came up and we started dancing slowly.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." – She whispered in my ear.

I thought I'd be the one saying this.

"But I want to." – I looked at her.

"I wanna take you out on a date sometime. You know, not involving anything from work. Being just Renata and Julia. Not Mrs. Klein and Mrs. Hammilton."

"I would love to."

"So…What about tomorrow night? Can I take you out to dinner?" – She asked me, not making eye contact.

"Yes, you can." – I smiled.

"I like your smile." – We locked eyes.

"I like your eyes." – Then she closed them, while laughing.

"Isnt it a bit weird two girls dancing together to a slow dance?" – Caleb, one of Jazmin's friend, appeared, breaking the climax.

Then we realized this was a work place. With kids.

At the same time we split apart.

"Renata, Alicia is looking for you. She's on the kitchen. I think she needs your help." – He looked at Renata. And then at me. – "And you, Julia, can we dance?" – He smiled.

I could swear he was flirting with me.

Renata gave him the death look. I laughed on the inside. Then when our eyes met, we smiled.

After two dances with Caleb, he finally realized I didn't want anything with him.

I went to look for Renata and she was on the kitchen, helping with the things.

When she looked at me she simply smiled.

"Need any help?" – I asked to the girls.

"Well, we…" – Alicia started.

"No, I'll be with you in a few. Wait in the garden, please." – Renata interrupted Alicia. She sounded desperate.

I loved it.

"Fine. Umm, bye ladies." – I waved and left.

Stars were so close to me I could bet the sky was closer.

The air was so clean that night. I didn't feel like I was in Minneapolis.

Renata quietly approached and laid her hands on my stomach and kissed my cheek.

"Hello, beautiful lady. What are you doing here all alone?"

It gave me goose bumps.

"A certain tall redheaded woman, who looks a lot like a famous singer, but way too more beautiful, told me to wait for her here. And here I am." – I giggled.

"I think she wouldn't mind if I stole you for a second, would she?" – She grabbed my hands, still on my back.

"I think she wouldn't." – It was more like a whisper.

She went to my front and kissed me. Without worry. Just kissed me.

My heart was full of passion and tender. All I wanted was this moment to last forever.

"How old did you say you were?" – Renata asked, after our tongue kiss. I was still shaked from the kiss. It made me drunk.

"I didn't." – I smiled, giving her another kiss.

"Well then, I think Claire did."

"Twenty one." – I answered.

"You're a baby."

"Thank you."

"No, no. In the good sense. Im a good nanny, if you're interested to know." – She smiled, joking.

"For God's sake! You don't have to, really. Besides, Im really old for my age."

"I know you are." – She kissed me again. – "So, tomorrow night. Dinner. After work. Is that ok?"

"Totally ok. Tomorrow night."

"Yeah."

Without realize, we were alone on the desert part of the garden, already. Good thing nobody missed us.


	9. Naive

The next morning I woke up to a message from Jazmin.

"Im sorry for yesterday. I think you pushed you too far. Are you mad at me, still? Love you. Xxxxxxx"

I smiled at the phone. My best friend was just amazing.

"Its ok, honey. And oh, I have a date tonight. Guess who's the lucky girl? Haha, love you too. X"

I went to the shower and when I got back, my phone vibrated.

"NO WAAAAAAAAAAAY. TOLD YOU, BITCH. I KNEW IT I KNEW IT."

I laughed loudly.

"Don't you dare opening your mouth to this. Otherwise I'll kill you."

"I love it how you're kind."

Morning went running. Renata was beautiful today. She had her red hair parted in the middle. She was wearing a long skirt, as usual. But this time it was a blue one. With a white tee shirt and a jacket. I smiled at her and when I opened my mouth, nothing came out but a sigh.

She smiled back and entered on her classroom.

After a few classes, I went to drink water and when I was coming back I passed on her door. She seemed excited and she was sitting on the table and everything. She was gesticulating a lot with her hands. I found myself watching her. It was kind of hot. She, sit on a table, talking in Portuguese.

I guess I was dizzy from the entire scene. I went and drink more water and then passed straight to my classroom, without sneaking at hers.

Night came fast too. It was a good day, I need to say. A very productive day.

I was happy for not appearing on TV. There were news about the Hammilton's Co. and I was glad nobody said a thing about me.

I sighed in relief. Although I was far away, my family agreed with my decision on moving out.

I went to the Teacher's Room. I had to work until late. I was alone and I didn't bother to have the lights down. Only the light coming from the window was enough, I thought.

The door opened. I was leaning on the table, reading the class schedules.

She tip toed in my direction, closing the door. She took away my hair from my face and kissed the exposing skin.

"Ready?" – She whispered in my ear. And kissed my temple.

"Yes." – I felt my legs wobbly. – "I am, I just… Need to grab my purse." – I looked at her.

"It's dark here, isn't it?" – She observed, still on a low tone.

"I like being in the dark." – I simply answered, grabbing my purse from the shelf and opening the door. – "Let's go, beautiful."

She smiled at the compliment.

"There's nothing beautiful about me, really." – She looked down, while making her way to the parkway.

"You are the only one that thinks this way." – I entered the car.

She looked at me.

"Thank you."

"For pointing out an obvious thing? You're welcome." – I said, putting my seat belt on.

"Do you like Italian food?" – She asked.

"Yes, I love Italian food."

"Great, because I made a reservation at Paolo's. Have you ever been there?"

"No." – I answered.

"Well, it's not like the restaurants you might be used to go and everything but it's a really good place."

"Im sure I'll enjoy it, don't worry."

Dinner was good. I found out Renata was a very home person. She enjoyed cooking at home and watching movies and rainy days. But she told me she used to be a party girl. She said she used to get drunk for nothing. But when Mark started working with her, she became another person. She also said she was Claire's first employee.

We had fun mocking the funny people that appeared to dinner.

Alson, the food was delicious.

Resuming, I had a great night.

Good thing the next day was Saturday and we didn't have to work.

We found ourselves barefoot walking on the grass on the park.

There were a few kids there playing on the playground.

"God, look at my feet. So big." – Renata complained.

I just laughed.

"Oh, they're not. Look at mine. So tiny."

"They're delicate. Cute."

I embraced her and we sit next to a tree.

"Im having a wonderful night, thank you." – I said.

"I can make this wonderful night a wonderful awesome night if you want." – She smiled, touching my cheek with her beautiful fingers.

I just closed my eyes and she kissed me. It was different from what I was used to. She was taking the reins of the situation.

When I realized, we were both lying on the grass. She was on top of me. One good thing of this position is that you can't see anything but your partner's face. And I was a prisoner of her mouth.

Again, we were in a public place. Between kisses and giggles, we started rolling on the grass.

What a funny scene from a person that is watching the whole thing!

The night ended up with a Renata and a Julia full of grass on the clothes.

"I had a wonderful awesome night." – I laughed, remembering of what she said earlier.

"I guess people thought we were crazy. But I had a good time." – She smiled.

"So... Wanna come in?" – I invited her.

We all know what all of this mean.

"Better not. Not today, you know." – She smiled with eyes. And held my hands. – "I like you. I really do."

My heart stopped for a second. Then I went back to earth.

"I like you too, darling."

The lights made a beautiful effect on her red hair. And on her pale skin. Just… Beautiful.

"So…"

"I almost forgot. Tomorrow I'll be looking for cars. Wanna join me? I know this is boring and all, but…"

"I would love to join you finding a car. Yes." – She gave me a huge smile.

"I'll call you."

"Perfect. Bye." – She grabbed my arm and kissed my lips. – "Good night, baby."

I smiled when she said "baby". She was really thinking I was a baby. Ok. Lets play her game.


	10. Don't rush

I woke up to my phone ringing.

"Fuck." – Without seeing a thing I tapped until I could find my cell phone on the end table next to my bed. It was her. I quickly opened my eyes and answered the phone call.

"Hello." – I tried my best not to sound like I just woke up.

"Good morning. Did I wake you up?" – Her voice sounded worried.

"No, no, babe. I was awaken. Is there anything wrong?" – I checked the clock on the wall. Eight and a half.

"It's just that I'm about to go to have breakfast at the bakery and I'm going alone. So I thought you'd be awaken so I could invite you to come with me. What do you think?"

"I think it's a good idea." – I smiled, already standing up and jumping out of the bed. Quickly I made my way to the closet. Thankfully I put my lazy butt to work and transfer a few clothes from the boxes to the new closet.

"And after we could go look for cars. Is this a good idea?" – She asked.

"Oh, absolutely, babe."

"Ok" – I heard she smiled on the line.

"Come pick me up in thirty minutes?"

"In thirty minutes, baby. I'll be at your door at nine."

"Fine. See you."

"Bye."

Without thinking I ran to the shower and quickly washed myself. I decided I was going to wear overalls. White ones. I also wore pinky flip flops and then brushed my teeth and combed my hair. Eleven minutes left. I putted some makeup on and then the bell rang.

"Coming." - I shouted from the stairs.

"Hello." – A smiley Renata, with a red plaid flannel t-shirt and jeans, appeared at my door.

"Hey. Let's go." – I kissed her lips, greeting her, and then we went to the bakery.

"Slept well?" – She asked, while I was drinking my hot cappuccino.

"Yes. No dreams. In fact, I miss dreaming about something. The only thing I can remember lately is a blank memory." – I sighed.

"I don't have dreams either. I think it's because I sleep too much." – She pointed to her dark circles.

"You're not the only one." – I laughed and pointed at mine.

"I guess we have the same problem, then." – She blinked at me.

"Do you get annoyed when people call you Florence Welch?" – I suddenly remembered about her nickname. I was a huge fan of Florence and The Machine, also.

"Not really. I mean, Florence is beautiful. And she has a beautiful voice. It just doesn't matter, really. Just don't start calling me like this too." – She looked at me, while drinking her apple tea.

"I won't. Promise. But if someone someday ask me how Renata looks like, I will say: Well, she looks a lot like Florence from Florence and The Machine." – I smiled. – "Do you like Florence and The Machine, speaking of that?"

"Ummm, I downloaded a few songs to my cell phone." – She made a confusing face.

"They're like, my favorite band."

"Mine is Led Zeppelin." – A small smile came from the corner of her lips. She had dimples.

"Oh, I downloaded some of their songs to my cell phone too." – I said.

"They're having a concert next month here. I'm definitely coming."

I just smiled.

"And you are coming with me." – She finished her thought.

I thought she would never say it.

"I am."

After breakfast we went to a car market downtown. At the end of the day, thanking Renata for being so patient with me, I ended up buying a white Prius. I didn't want to buy an expensive car because I didn't want to look rich.

"Nice choice, though." – Renata said, when we arrived at my place.

"Considering the fact that I only moved out in less than a week, I can tell you that my house isn't that messy." – I said, on the corridor, looking at her at the living room, watching her observe the details of my new place.

"Not at all. In fact, it's really organized."

We smiled to each other and then I gave her a glass of white wine.

"Thank you."

I sat next to her on the couch and we started drinking, innocently.

Three glasses after, we were just laughing about nothing.

And the second after, we were making out on my new couch.

Our kisses were just intensifying. I started kissing her neck while she unbuttoned my overalls. I unbuttoned her flannel t-shirt too and it revealed a black bra. The contrast between her pale skin the black of her bra was just incredible.

"We need to stop. Im drunk and so are you." – She warned, while I was kissing her chest.

"So what?" - I asked, as I shrugged.

"I have to go home." – She moaned the last word. And closed her eyes.

"You can stay over." – I kissed her lips again.

"We're taking this too far." – She stopped and made me look at her.

She was right. We were jumping steps. My fault. Suddenly I felt terrible.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Renata. I'm sorry." – I looked around and realize the situation. I was almost topless and her t-shirt was almost on the floor.

"No, babe. It's ok. I got to go." – She stood up, buttoning her flannel tee shirt back and fixing her hair. – "See you on Monday."

"I didn't mean to rush things. I'm sorry." – I stood up on the door, looking at her.

"It's ok. You were not the only one wanting this." – She kissed my forehead. – "It's just that this is special. And I want to take things slowly to make the right decisions."

"I know, but…"

"I want it too. But wait, ok?" – She kissed me goodbye. – "Now take some rest."

She smiled and left.

I felt ridiculous.


	11. Guilty

On Sunday I realized I had nothing to do. My family was in New York and my best friend was hanging out with her boyfriend. Why does everyone have a partner?

I felt so single yet so taken. I mean, Renata and I didn't have anything serious. Of course there was something going on but I don't know how it would end up.

I screwed up last night. I don't know if she thought I wasn't a good idea. I just wanted to say I'm sorry and tell her I'm not like that. But she just makes me act like that and I don't know why! I curled up on bed until midday until I got annoyed by the sunlight on the window. I closed the curtains and went downstairs to prepare my lunch. I was a good cooker, I have to admit.

While cooking, I remembered Renata said she enjoyed cooking. Maybe someday I could cook for her.

Again I remembered I screwed up. I was drunk and I screwed up. It wasn't much but for me it was like I made my worst mistake. I was feeling awful still.

At night, after a long and lonely afternoon, I decided to go for a walk.

I wore my sneakers and held my hair in a ponytail.

While walking, I started thinking of how great my live was being. I had a good job – for only six months, I know -, I had a nice duplex in one of the finest neighborhoods in Minneapolis, and… I was in love. If I was being loved back I didn't know. But I had the being-in-love feeling. It caused butterflies every time I thought about it.

I saw a couple of elders sat on a bank and my heart melt. I really wanted someone to spend the rest of my life with. With that, I realized I was tired of a one night stand. I needed something mature. I needed a real relationship. I think this is what Renata was talking about. Maybe with not this intention. Maybe her heart doesn't melt when she see a couple of elders hand in hand. But mine does.

I passed in front of a flower shop and stopped at the showcase. Valentine's Day was coming. I shouldn't be worried about that. I didn't even have a girlfriend!

I rolled my eyes because I was so silly and went home.

Next morning I woke up at six. Too early, I know. I went jogging and after that I started getting ready for work.

I wore a striped blue dress and high heels. I held my hair in a high bun, like the ballerina ones. I grabbed my briefcase and my purse and made my way to work on my brand new Prius.

"Friday night was crazy, wasn't it? I know you had a good time." – Mark said, while grabbing his stuff.

"Yes, totally. I had fun." – I smiled, remembering my humiliating scene dancing.

He smiled and came close to me. And spoke low:

"Don't you dare breaking her heart. I'll break you in pieces if you do." – He looked at me. – "Have a good day." – His voice tone was normal again. And he left.

I froze. I wouldn't break her heart.

Swallowing dry I went to my classroom.

"Bom dia! (good morning)" – I greeted my students, leaving my material on the table.

The door was lightly knocked and Renata appeared, smiling at my students.

"Bom dia. É só um minuto com a professora de vocês. (Good morning. Its just a minute with your teacher.)"

She spoke Portuguese so perfectly…

She looked at me and I went to the door.

"Claire told me to give you this folder. It's about a conference in São Paulo. Take a look. You may be interested."

"Ok. Thank you." – I grabbed the folder from her hands and she went away.

I kept it on the briefcase and started my class.

At lunch we sat together. I didn't even see Jazmin. I was starting to miss her.

"You look beautiful in blue." – She pointed.

"Aren't you mad at me for Saturday?'

She looked confused.

"Why would I, babe? There's no reason to be mad at you." – She smiled.

I just loved it when she called me "babe".

"I was concerned about it."

"Don't be. So… did you take a look at the folder?"

"Actually I did. Sounded like a really interesting experience. Are you going?"

Her smile went bigger.

"Why this huge smile, darling?" – I started smiling like her, too. I didn't even know why we were smiling. But her smile was catchy.

"I am. Surprise. This is our trip for Valentine's Day. You know it's in a month, right? So as the conference."

I was shocked. How surprising was she! My smile went bigger.

"But wasn't Claire the one…"

"Nope. That was me. I just didn't want to have you thinking about it until we could talk about it properly."

I needed a minute. She said Valentine's Day.

"Am I your girlfriend?" – I asked, nervously.

"You are." – She held my hands under the table.

"Ok. Yeah. This feels good."

She giggled.

"I'm considering the idea of us leaving this place holding hands. What do you think?"

"You're asking me if I wanna be seen with you? Of course I do." – I stroked her hand with my thumb.

"Kay." – She embarrassedly smiled.


	12. Love is to worry

We walked to our respective classrooms after the break. My head was spinning. Renata was my girlfriend. Suddenly I felt butterflies like never before.

After my shift I found Renata on her cell phone, gesticulating with her hands. I noticed she does this a lot. I hugged her from behind and she turned off the phone.

"Hey!"

"Who was it?" – I asked.

She putted her phone down on her bag and held my hands, which were resting in her stomach.

"Nobody, actually."

I kissed her cheek.

"Are you sure?" – And kissed it again.

"I am." – She lightly smiled.

I sighed and rested my head on her shoulder.

"I'm excited about this trip. You are such a surprising person."

She shrugged.

"I know."

I laughed at her sincerity and held her hand.

"Oh my God. How cute!" – Jazmin appeared out of nowhere. – "And you're holding hands already."

I blushed. How embarrassing.

"Jazmin, what's your problem? Haven't you ever seen two people in love?" – Renata was the first to talk. She smiled at Jaz.

That woman would kill me someday with all that adorableness.

"I have, really. In fact, I am in love too." – She gave the in-love smile.

That was my turn to talk.

"Look at that smile!"

She blushed.

"Stop!"

"Is he good looking?" – Renata asked.

"He is just… Amazing. And strong. And yeah, he's handsome. I'll introduce you guys to him someday."

"I am your best friend and you never introduced me to your boyfriend." – I pretended a mad-at-you face.

"I am your best friend and you never told me you were dating Renata."

Fair play.

"Hey, I'm still here." – Renada said.

"You are, babe. Now let's go. It looks like someone is very busy having a boyfriend that was never introduced to her best friend." – I looked at Jazmin.

"Shut up, traitress."

I smiled and then went to the cafeteria with Renata.

"You look tired." – I observed my girlfriend bowing her shoulders while drinking her coffee.

"I am. I didn't sleep very well tonight."

"Are you ok?" – I rested my hand on her thigh.

"Just worried about a few things. But don't worry, my love."

"I'm here if you need to talk to someone, ok? Anytime."

"I know, babe. Thank you."

I knew something was wrong. She just didn't want to tell me what was bothering her.

After coffee, we said goodbye to each other. She said she was tired. I told her to call me if she needed something. I went home thinking about it.

I needed to find out what was on my beautiful girlfriend's mind.


	13. Breaking Down

I went home, fighting traffic because it was raining. I was feeling so alone. I needed a puppy. I sat next to a big window on my bedroom and watched that melancholic and rainy twilight. I loved twilights. There was something special about twilights. It was the transition of the day to the night. Sky was beautiful. The clouds were yellow-toned. I was completely hypnotized by that view. It reminded me of a painting. Seemed like someone just painted my view. And my window was the canvas. I could have enjoyed more if I wasn't so worried about Renata. At one moment she was ok. At the another, it seemed like she was hit by a truck.

I guess I dozed because one minute my watch said it was five thirty. On the other it was six thirty five.

When I woke up the rain seemed to have worsened. I went down to the kitchen to prepare something to eat when my phone rang.

"Hey, babe." – I answered. It was Renata.

"Babe, come here, please." – She was crying. My heart melted.

"What's wrong, darling?" – I rapidly dropped everything on the sink and went upstairs to grab my keys and jacket.

"Just come. Please." – She sighed. – "I need a hug."

"I'll be there in ten minutes." – I opened my door and went out on that cold January night. I turned off the phone, so I could open my umbrella.

I drove as fast as I could, I swear.

When she opened the door, her makeup was all over her face. She was still crying. She just opened her arms to give me space and I hugged her.

She was trembling. Laying her head on my shoulder, I just let her cry.

"It's ok, baby, I'm here. Shhh." – Hugging her, I stroked her hair and closed the door.

"I didn't mean to bother you, really." – Still crying, she looked at me.

I wiped her tears with my thumbs.

"You didn't. Now tell me what's wrong." – I looked in her eyes while talking.

"Just promise me you won't leave me. Not right now."

Confused, I answered:

"I won't." – She started crying again. I lifted her chin so she could look at me. – "I'm not going anywhere."

"People always leave me. I… They just leave!" – She took a step back and sat on the couch. Bending her knees, she stared the wall.

I went closer.

"Can you tell me what's going on? I'm worried about you."

"Joshua left me just when I arrived here that very summer of nineteen ninety seven when I arrived here in the US. I thought I would be ok. And I was. Then Robert just did the same thing. And Kate. And now my parents. But now it's forever. No return."

Still confused, I asked:

"What happened?" – I kept a little distance between us.

"They died just an hour ago. Their plane crashed. They were coming to visit me. I told them not to because the weather was terrible. I warned them. I was worried. And now this happens. I have no family but them. But now they're gone too."

This was a thud. I was shocked.

"Babe." – I hugged her again. But tighter this time.

"Don't leave me here." - She repeated.

We ended up sleeping on her bed. We didn't sleep much, really. She was awake most of the night.

I'm glad Tuesday was my day off.

I woke up at nine. She was still sleeping. On the same clothes. Well, so was I.

I went to the kitchen and cooked her chocolate pancakes.

While I was putting the food on a plate, I heard she coming.

"Oh. You stayed." – She tried to smile.

"I did, honey. Remember?" – I smiled.

"And you cooked." – She made a surprising face. – "Thank you. You didn't need to cook for me."

I held the plates on my hands and kissed her forehead.

We sat quietly on the chair.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't see them in fifteen years. I know I should be crying right now. But I just can't. I argued much with them, you know. I am happy with the life I have here. They don't understand… Didn't understand." – She corrected herself, looking at her pancake.

"Do you need company for today?"

"I do." – She looked at me with her sad eyes. – "I do need you."

"I'm staying for the day, then. I just need to go home and grab my stuff. But I'll be quick."

She nodded.

"Ok. While you go I will resolve this situation."

We had breakfast holding hands. She just didn't want to release them.


	14. Strange yet so charm

When I arrived back, she was still sat on the chair, facing the table.

"Babe, come on sit on a more comfortable place."

She just held my hand, without saying a thing, and I took her to her bedroom.

Her bedroom was a simple place. All painted in white. She had a few pictures of her with Mark and of her childhood. It lacked her parents' pictures. I didn't really get it why she didn't like her parents much.

She sat on the edge of the bed and I sat on her side. She rested her head on my shoulder and stayed like that. Quietly.

"Thank you." – She finally opened her mouth.

"I don't know how you're feeling because I've never gone through something like this but…"

"I am not feeling sad because they died. In fact, I don't even know why I am feeling like this. I know I should be feeling something. But I can't. I can't love for so long. People just leave me. And I am tired. They're my parents. But… But they made me suffer, you know. I'm just here thinking. I am so fucking alone here."

This whole thing wasn't about her loss.

"You need to forgive them someday, my darling. You are a good person."

"I am not. I can't forgive them. And I am their daughter. And they were my only family." – She looked at me.

"If you're scared thinking you're alone, you're not. I'm not leaving."

She hugged me and kissed my lips, softly.

Still close to my lips, her eyes slowly closed and she kissed me again.

I was laid on her bed by her and our kiss just intensified.

Her hands were tracing their way to my curves, and slowly I had my dress out of my body.

She was crying again, between kisses. She was desperate. She herself took off her clothes and when she was about to take off her bra, I stopped her.

"Are you sure?" – I asked. It seemed like I was taking control of the situation.

"No…" – Tears were rolling down her face. She kissed me again, taking off her bra.

She wouldn't stop.

"Babe…"

"No. Shut up." – She almost shouted. – "Kiss me. Please." – She lowered her voice.

So I took off my bra.

…

She fell asleep safely and the only thing I could be able to do in that moment was to think. I was feeling the happiest person in the world on that moment. I looked at her. Her face was so peaceful. The sunlight was illuminating her body in a spectacular way. I studied her curves through the sheet that covered her. She was just flawless.

Her hand was lying on my chest. I couldn't make many moves. I stood on that position for a long time. Until I fell asleep.

That was a dramatic moment. Since the time she called me crying till the time she fell asleep on my arms. She had a really dramatic life and I didn't know if I was ready to be part of all that.

On the afternoon we went to her favorite bakery.

"Do you want to be British or something?" – I watched her drinking her tea.

She looked at me, smiling with her eyes.

"I've been to England once. And I was fascinated by their costumes. I don't know." – She simply answered and shrugged.

"You're cute drinking tea." - I smiled. I was so happy I couldn't help myself.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

She rolled her eyes. She rested her hand on her chin and looked at me. She seemed to be watching me.

"What?" – I asked.

"I don't regret of anything that happened today." – I knew what she was talking about.

I didn't know what to say, so she continued.

"I know I rushed things but… I don't regret."

I was surprised that this topic came up on the conversation so fast.

"I was afraid you would regret later, I have to confess."

After eating, we went for a walk. Hand in hand, we were talking about everything. We started talking about fashion and then about sports. I was glad she didn't like any sports because I really sucked at sports. But she said she likes dancing. I told her I'd take her to dance someday. She said she knew a nice bar with live music and a great atmosphere.

At first, we looked like best friends, laughing and talking about futilities. But then we started acting as girlfriends. We kissed a lot. I didn't know she was a kiss addicted! We sat on a bench on the park. It was night already. But we didn't care. We were just enjoying each other's company.

"Thank you for today. For everything about today. And yesterday too." – She kissed the back of my hand.

"My pleasure taking care of you."

"I was your baby for today, wasn't I?" – She giggled.

"You are my baby."

She smiled.

"Let's go home. Tomorrow I have to work."

"I'm not working for this week." – She said.

"Ok. Well, I have." – I smiled.

And then we went home.


	15. Falling

Between text messages and phone calls, we spent our week "together". I was busy taking care of tests. Renata's substitute was a bitch. I just missed her at work.

On the weekend we went out for lunch and the to the movie theater.

"Can we enter this store?" – Renata asked, holding my hand and pointing it to the showcase of an instrument store.

"Sure. Do you know how to play something?" – I asked, while she ran inside the store just like a kid running for a candy.

We entered on the studio inside the store and she touched the piano's keys.

"I try." – She looked at me. And sat on the bank.

"Play me something." – I smiled, observing.

She started a few notes and suddenly I realized she was playing one of my favorite songs.

"I've fallen out of favor and I've fallen from grace…" – She stopped, trying to remember the next notes. – "Fallen out of trees and I've fallen on my face. Fallen out of taxis." – She sighed. – "…out of windows too. Fell in your opinion when I fell in love with you"

I suddenly filled my heart with all the love I had. It was her. I was so in love with her.

I sat on the bank with her. Putted my fingers on the keys.

"Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohhhh." – I continued singing.

"Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohhhh." – We sang together.

"Sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release. Wish for falling through the air to give me some relief because falling's not the problem, when I'm falling I'm at peace. It's only when I hit the ground it causes all the grief." – She smiled at me.

I smiled back with the biggest smile I could give her.

"Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohhhh. Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohhhh." – We sang.

"This is a song for a scribbled-down name and my love keeps writing again and again. This is a song for a scribbled-down name and my love keeps writing again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again  
and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again" – She looked drown in her own voice.- "I dance with myself, I drunk myself down. Found people to love, left people to drown." – She looked at me. And continued. – "I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall, if there was nowhere to land I wouldn't be scared at all." – She stopped. I couldn't sing with her. I was amazed. Her eyes were sad again.

So I sang.  
"At all, at all. Fall. Fall."

She smiled, still playing the piano. I watched.

"Sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release. Wish for falling through the air to give me some relief because falling's not the problem, when I'm falling I'm at peace  
It's only when I hit the ground it causes all the grief."

I kissed her tenderly. We didn't care if we were on a store. At all.

"I love this song." – I whispered.

She gave me a kiss, smiling.

"Me too. I'm sorry for my terrible voice."

I laughed.

"Not worse than mine."

"Oh. You sing very well, babe!"

"And you play the piano very well. I'm gonna buy you one. What do you think?" – I was playing with the piano keys.

"You what?"

I smiled.

"It's for Valentine's Day. There's no way you deny my present."

"I hate you." – She laughed and kissed me again. – "Thank you."


	16. Plans

It was February 7th already. Time flew by. Valentine's Day was on the 14th. I decided to surprise my girlfriend. I bought airline tickets to New York City. I would take her to meet my parents.

I had already bought her piano. Tonight I would take her out for a dinner and while we were out, the piano was going to be delivered at her house.

"Renata, why are you taking so long? It's just a dinner." – I went to her bathroom and knocked the door.

"I'm almost done. Just…" – She unlocked the door and opened it.

She was beautiful. Wearing a red dress and dark makeup. Her hair was wildly loose. It seemed redder. She was wearing her golden earrings. Her scent was sweet.

"Wow." – That was all I could say.

"Now I am ready."

"You're gorgeous." – I watched her grabbing her purse.

"On my car." – I showed the keys.

"Ok."

We ate Japanese. I wasn't a big fan but she loved Japanese food.

"Excited about the trip?" – She asked.

"I am. It's going to be amazing."

"Just me and you." – She smiled. – "The hotel is amazing. I already checked. And we can tour the city."

"And go to the conference. Which is the mainly reason we are going to be there." – I remembered her.

"Yes, the conference. I guess I remember." – She laughed.

"I have a surprise for you, babe." – I picked up the tickets and showed her. – "We're going to New York tomorrow. I'm gonna take you to meet my family. I think it's time."

She was scared.

"Meet your family? Like, really? Oh my God. Tomorrow?"

"Yes." – I was having fun watching her getting all desperate. – "But we'll be back on the 12th."

"I'm nervous. What if they don't like me?" – She spoke more to herself.

"They will. I already told them about you. In fact, they invited us to come. Chill."

"I can't chill. I mean, we're talking about your family. Their acceptance."

"Babe. Everything is going to be fine. I promise." – I smiled.

She took a deep breath and looked at me.

"Ok… Hey, remember we have a certain Led Zeppelin concert to go? It's on February 24th. We won't even have time to breathe!" – She laughed.

I tried to mentally organize my schedule.

"Ok. So, tomorrow, February 8th, we are going to New York City. On February 12th we'll be back. On February 14th, which is the Valentine's Day, we'll be going to Brazil for the conference and we'll be back in…"

"February 20th." – She reminded me.

"On February 20th. And on February 24th we have Led Zeppelin's concert. Wow. I think my mind isn't working anymore." – I joked. – "We'll be fine."

"I love adventures. I'm excited." – She clapped her hands.

I laughed.

When we were going home, I opened the car's door for her and told her to close her eyes.

"Why?" – She smiled while asking.

"Just close, babe. I have a surprise for you." – I watched her closing her eyes. With one hand, I covered her eyes just to make sure she wouldn't open. With the other, I opened the door of her house and took her to the living room, where her piano was beautifully settled on the corner of the room. – "Open." – I whispered and took away my hand from her eyes.

When she did, her mouth formed a big "O".

"Liked it?" – I watched her reaction, smiling.

"I loved it. Thank you, you crazy beautiful amazing perfect girlfriend!" – She jumped into my arms and kissed me.

"I told you I was going to buy a piano for you."

"It's beautiful." – She dropped my arms and ran to the piano. – "Wow. I've never had a piano before."

"Now you do. And you have to play more songs for me." – I kissed her neck and her cheek.

"Oh, so it's all about me playing songs for you?" –She laughed.

"Of course!" – We sat on the bank.

She was amazed. I watched her reactions the whole time. I was so happy for her.

"Can I play a song for you? I don't know if you know this song but I love it and I think you're gonna love it too." – She looked at me with those big green eyes. For a moment I felt lost.

"Of course."

She breathed hard and touched the keys.

"Touch me I'm cold, unable to control. Touch me I'm golden and wild as the wind blows. And tumbling, tumbling, don't go fascination. If just for tonight, darling…" – She looked at me. – "Let's get lost."

She stopped and kissed me. I kissed her back and after I traced kisses to her ear.

"Let me come closer, I'm not your shadow. With your eyes shielding from the oncoming counts it's not hard for us to say what we should not. If just for tonight, darling, let's get lost." – I whispered.

"Let's get lost, darling. If just for tonight." – She locked eyes with me.

I took her fingers away from the piano and grabbed her hands, leaving the bank.

And we made our way to her bedroom.


	17. NYC

The next morning I was knocking at Renata's door. She appeared holding her suitcases. I helped her.

"Excited?" – I asked, after kissing her.

"I didn't see you leaving this morning." – She said, while entering on the cab. – "And yes, I am. A little bit nervous but I am."

"To the airport, please." – I said to the driver and looked at her. – "I didn't want to wake you up, honey."

"I felt so alone when I woke up." – She gave me an irresistible innocent look. And her voice tone was ironic.

I giggled. Come on, Renata, are you teasing me inside of a cab?

"I'm tired." – I changed the subject.

"I'm not." – She came closer.

I looked to the window.

"Today is going to be amazing. Do you want to sleep in my house or in the hotel?"

She held my face, making me look at her.

"I'm making everything here to get a kiss from you and you start talking about where we're going to sleep?" – She whispered. – "I can't believe this. Kiss me. Just kiss me. And shut the fuck up."

I watched her lips moving while she talked. My girlfriend has amazing lips.

I kissed her, a little embarrassed. Both of her hands were on my face and I putted mine on her hips.

When we split, she had her eyes still closed. I hugged her from the side and played with her red straight layers.

I took a picture with her on the plane. She was sat next to the window and made a funny face to the camera. I wanted to start capturing every moment of us. I took a picture of us together. We smiled. It was cute.

When we arrived, the family's securities scooted us home, my parents were waiting for us. When Renata saw them, she held my hand tighter.

"Mom, dad!" – I smiled at them. – "Missed you guys."

We hugged each other.

"So, is this the famous Renata?" – My father was the first to talk.

I looked at them.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. Hammilton." – She politely greeted him.

"Oh, look at that. Welcome to our home, my dear." – My mom hugged her.

"I'm keeping my eyes on you." – My father whispered in my ear.

"Dad!" – I chided him.

"I've heard a lot about you. You're really beautiful." – My mom, thankfully, was being a lovely person.

Renata blushed. I held her hand.

"Ok, mom. She's getting uncomfortable. I'll go upstairs to rest."

"Lunch's at four. Don't forget." – My mom smiled.

We went to my bedroom. It was a pastel bedroom. Really different from my bedroom in Minnesota. Here I had a large bedroom, one of the biggest of the Mansion. Renata was amazed.

"What are you looking at?" – I asked.

"You're so rich. I mean, I knew you were rich but… Oh my God. Look at that view." – She ran to the balcony. – "You have your own garden."

I laughed.

"We can go there after we take our bath, if you want."

"I wanna see your bathroom." – She turned to me.

I laughed harder.

"Let me show you my bathroom."

"Stop laughing. I am not rich like you. Let me be a princess for a day, ok?" – She smiled.

"As you wish, my love." – I opened the bathroom's door.

"Oh my God, look at this hot tub. You have a hot tub on your bathroom. So many doors here. What is behind them? A pool?"

"No, babe. There's no pool on my bathroom. It's the Masseur's Room."

"You have your own Masseur? For fuck's sake, why did you move to Minneapolis? This is heaven."

"I'm gonna get a bubbled bath for us. Warm water and everything, ok?"

"Ok? It's perfect!" – She kissed my cheek. – "God, I'm sorry about this behavior."

I ignored the last sentence. I'll be back in a few."

On the bathtub, she had her hair held in a bun. I loved her body. Everything about it.

She moaned when she closed her eyes, resting her head on the edge of the bathtub, which looked more like a pool, I have to confess.

I went on top of her, kissing her neck.

"Enjoying the bath?"

"Totally." – She gave me a smile, eyes still closed.

"Let me make you love it, then. Spread your legs." – I rested my hand on the back of her thigh . She moaned louder.

"Babe…"

"Don't be scared. No one can hear us."

…

After our amazing bath, I felt like I was someone new. I needed that bath. And I was super tired from the trip.

After lunch, my father insisted to show Renata my photos from when I was a child.

"Why are you embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend?" - I laughed, covering my face when a more shameful photo was shown to Renata.

"Why, babe? You were so cute when you were little." – Renata rested her hand on my thigh. – "Oh, look how cute!"

After photos and embarrassing stories about my childhood, I took her for a tour.

"Your backyard is almost like Central Park." – Renata made a note.

"I know. Andrew plays golf here. It's boring but interesting to watch. He never wins."

"Your brother seems to be a really nice person. Where is he, by the way?"

"He's in Australia. Andrew works a lot. He is going to be just like my father. But he works a lot. And he's rarely at home."

"How old is he?"

"Twenty four. He just got married."

We sat on a bench.

"I want to get married someday. I feel old everyday and I feel like I need someone, you know. And children. I definitely would love having children. You're still young to think about it but I… Well, I am thirty three. I need a more stable life."

"You're not old. Stop thinking like that. You still have so much to live. I would like to have kids too. Someday."

"Your kids would be beautiful. Because you are so beautiful." – She kissed my lips.

"I am so happy you're here." – I said.

"I am lucky to have such a perfect girlfriend." – She kissed me again.

I stood up and looked at her.

"I am the lucky one here." – She grabbed my hand and we kissed.

The moon was illuminating us. Snow was slowly falling. I just wish I could freeze that moment.


	18. Mess

After talking a walk on my backyard, we went inside because it was too cold.

"I love when it snows." – Renata said, sitting on the living room couch, in front of the window.

"Mom and dad left. We're alone here in this big house." – I emphasized the last two words, while sat next to the fireplace.

"Your house is a maze. A big and confusing maze." – She slipped to the floor, crawling next to me and laying her head on my thigh. I started stroking her hair.

"Are you feeling cold, honey?" - I asked as I felt her goose bumps.

"Just a little. Don't worry."- She sat straight, bracing herself.

I watched her backing off, looking straight to the fireplace.

"What's wrong with you?" – I came closer. – "Let me keep you warm, babe." – And braced her.

She sighed loudly.

"When you feel like I am bothering you, tell me, ok? Don't hide it from me." – She rested her head on my shoulder.

"Why would you be bothering me?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I am too sticky."

I wanted to laugh.

"You're not. Trust me. You're perfect." – I lifted her chin so she could look at me.

"Thank you." – She smiled.

I didn't get it why Renata was so full of issues. I tried not to be annoyed by that.

"Are you hungry? We can order some pizza for us."

"Can we cook a pizza instead?"

"Cook? If you want a home-made pizza, we can ask the cooker to make it for us."

She stood up.

"I can't believe you are too lazy to cook. Get this lazy butt out of the carpet." – She raised her hand for me.

When I stood up the first thing I did was to kiss her. I pulled her closer and leaned, so I could give her those movie kisses. Too romantic.

She laughed.

"I'm not too lazy." – I gave her another kiss.

"Was that a reprimand because I said you were too lazy to cook? Can I offend you again?" – She smiled. Her mouth deadly close to mine.

"No, you can't." – I grabbed her hand. – "Let's go to the kitchen."

We started cooking, then.

"I looooooove the dough." – Renata started stealing slices of pizza dough.

"Babe, it's crude." – I stole a slice, as well.

"It's crude, right? I see." – Renata grabbed the cheese. It was melted in a container. When she was about to drop the cheese on the dough, she bumped on the pot and dropped all the cheese on my clothes.

It felt like a slow camera. She looked at me, her lips curving. She was trying not to laugh but her big green eyes said everything. I looked at my pink blouse and looked at her again.

"I'm so sorry." – She was still on the same position, just looking and lowly laughing.

I looked for the ketchup on the sink.

"Put the cheese that is left on the dough." – When she did, I grabbed the ketchup and splashed ketchup on her dress.

"I'm sorry." – I made my best ironic face.

"Julia! You did this on purpose!" – Renata laughed.

"I didn't! I bumped on something and then this happened!" – I started laughing.

She grabbed the flour bag and threw it on my hair.

"Motherfucker." – I shouted, while she was laughing, and picked two eggs from the box. I broke them on her hair.

"Julia!"

And the food fight started. So cliché but yet so romantic.

We ate on the balcony, barefoot and watching the snow falling.

"Good thing we didn't stay on the hotel." – I said.

"We couldn't cook like this on the hotel, right?" – Renata laughed, her feet rested on my lap.

I ate my last slice.

"Thank you for this beautiful white hair. I loved." – I smiled, stroking my full flour hair.

"Thank you for this stinky, sticky hair. I didn't know you love my hair this much."

I laughed and she got up.

"Babe, come back." – I made a crying face.

"I'm gonna take a shower, babe. Come on."

I got up too and we made our way to the bathroom.


	19. Love, love, love

After touring the beautiful New York, we went back home on the 12th.

It was almost midnight and I was on the computer, uploading the photos I took from us. Renata was at her place. I was alone. My phone rang.

"I miss you so much. Xx."

I smiled at the text message from my girlfriend and texted her back.

"I miss you too, boo. I'm uploading the photos. I'm gonna download it to my facebook."

A minute after, she texted me back.

"I think I should create a facebook account. I should spend my vacations on useful activities."

I laughed.

"God, how I love this girl." – It came out of nowhere. I just said.

I said to myself I loved that girl. Woman. My woman.

I smiled.

I loved her. I loved Renata. More than anything.

I needed to tell her.

I thought of telling her through message or phone call. But that wouldn't be too romantic. I decided to tell her on Valentine's.

We never told each other our feelings, really. We didn't make any effort to say. Of course we showed through affection. But no words, really.

Even in sex. Usually people tell each other they love each other. We never said these three magic words to each other.

And it's been almost two months.

Our flight would be at ten a.m. We didn't even have time to celebrate Valentine's Day properly.

We arrived in Brazil at eight p.m., super tired.

We waited for a cab, hugging each other. I was kissing her hair.

"I have something for you when we arrive in the hotel." – Renata said and kissed my cheek. – "Something I think you're gonna like."

I looked at her, trying to guess.

When we arrived the hotel, we laid on bed, both tired.

"My gift for you isn't something I can pack." – She grabbed an old video camera and turned it on.

We sat on the edge of the bed, both staring at the little screen.

Suddenly, a little ginger girl appeared. She sat on a chair and started playing her keyboard. She played beautifully.

"This is me. I used to be good at this. I'm showing you this video because I want to show you how thankful I am for the piano. You brought out the best of me." – She looked at me and turned off the camera.

"I love you, Renata. With all my heart." – I finally said.

She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She just hugged me.

"I love you too. So so so so so much." – She looked at me again.

I grabbed her hand, playing with her fingers.

"I'm trying to tell you this for so long. I just didn't know how. I wanted it to be special."

She didn't say anything. So we kissed. There was no rush.

The next day the Conference started.

It was so good. I practiced Portuguese with Renata and a few friends. We had a lot of fun. The next days we divided our days between the Conference and touring.

"I miss home." – She said, while I was taking a shower.

"We're going home tomorrow, my darling."

I didn't hear she saying anything anymore. After wiping myself, I went to the bedroom and she was staring at me.

"I want to live with you. I mean, we're both adults and we love each other and we spend so much time together. I want our own house. When I say "I wanna go home", I want to mean our home. Not my house and yours. I want something ours." – While saying, she was coming closer. She bit her lower lip. – "What do you think?"

"I…"

"I mean" – She didn't let me finish. – "You can think about it. I know this is a big thing, right? But if you don't want it, then ok. No problem. I still love you the same way."

She was nervous. It was so cute.

"Babe. Stop talking." – I smiled. – "Of course I want us to live together. We can think about it."

"Really?" – She started jumping from excitement.

"Really." – I watched my childish girlfriend acting child.

And we kissed.

Well, we still have a long road to go.


	20. Emotions

It was February 24th and I was on the kitchen, listening to Dev and singing along loudly.

"On my waist, through my hair. Think about it when you touch me there. Close my eyes, here you are all alone dancing in the dark." – I started dancing, closing my eyes.

Renata, which already had the keys of my house, entered and followed the sound of my voice. When she entered the kitchen, she saw me there.

"Nice moves, though." – She pulled a chair and sat, having fun.

I opened my eyes, all embarrassed.

"Have you been here watching me for a long time?" – I asked, fixing my hair and my clothes.

"No. I just arrived. I came here jumping from excitement because today is the Led Zeppelin concert day but when I saw you dancing like that I…" – She started laughing. – "I'm sorry, you're just too cute." – She approached me and kissed my lips.

"I'm so excited for today!" – I laughed along.

"I already chosen my outfit. I'm gonna wear their t-shirt. But I customized it. It's shorter and cut."

"What do you mean by shorter and cut?" – I stared at her, trying to imagine.

"I cant explain. Its shorter and cut! And oh, I'm going to wear jeans. And boots."

"You know there'll be boys and girls lining up for you, right?" – I said, as I made my way to my closet.

"Are you jealous?" – She hugged me from behind. – "There's nothing to be jealous about, baby. I'm all yours." – She kissed my neck.

I smiled.

"I know. Just don't wear nothing too sexy because well, otherwise people will try to take you home." – I laughed, as I grabbed a striped t-shirt and jeans from the drawers. – 'How about these ones?"

She sat on the puff, stroking her hair.

"I like it."

When the show started, we were all singing along. There's no words to describe Renata's happiness.

"Hey." – A strange girl came from behind and grabbed Renata's waist. She started to whisper something in her ear. Renata smiled and, drinking her beer, she said something and the girl whispered again.

"What's wrong?" – I asked, pulling the girl away from my girlfriend.

"Hey, who the fuck are you, dude?" – The drunken girl laughed.

"I am her girlfriend."

"Just go away, please. Im taken." – Renata, all calmed down, grabbed my hand. – "See?"

So the girl left.

"I told you." – I kissed her temple.- "You're irresistible in this shirt."

"You're such a good liar! I almost believed you." – Renata laughed, kissing my chin.

A time after, she was a little bit drunk and started kissing me all the time.

At the end of the concert, they played Whole Lotta Love and Renata started to get all too excited. I could swear she was crying.

After the concert she insisted me to take her to a bar. So I did.

"I want two beers." –I ordered to the waiter.

"The concert was just perfect; I don't even have words to explain." – She laid her head on the counter, closing her eyes.

"I don't think you should be drinking this much." – I grabbed the beers and gave her one.

She started drinking.

"But I didn't drink much!" – She almost screamed, laughing. I had to laugh. She was drunk. Totally drunk. – "I love you soooooooooo so much." – She approached, grabbing my neck.

"You're drunk, babe." – I said.

She kissed me, then. And after that she started do shout out about how good the concert was. Unfortunately, there were other people from the concert there. All of them drunk.

So Renata made friends.

I couldn't help but laugh and drink.

Too excited, Renata climbed on the table.

"Renata, get off the table now." – I said.

"Oh, no. I cant. Don't you see? Im having a good time here with my friends! Right?" – She started to laugh and a boy, who was probably my age or less, climbed on the table too.

"Renata, babe, you're drunk. Can you please get off the table? You're embarrassing me!" – I tried to speak low.

"Are you embarrassed?" – She laughed louder. – "I am sorry if I am embarrassing you. Im sorry I cant be perfect." – She sang to Simple Plan. Laughing. – "Hey, buddy, hold this crap for me." – She gave the beer to the boy and got off the table. Looked at me and said – "I am off the table. Now get off this place, please. You're boring. And you're not my mother. Go away." – She pulled me.

I was scared. What the fuck was going on?

"Renata, what you're doing?"

"Ain't that obvious? I'm having fun." – She climbed the table again. – "I am older than you and you look like you're my grandma. Go away, you piece of shit." – Her laugh was just evil.

I couldn't believe she was saying that. My girlfriend. She was so drunk. It hurt me.

"Im going away from here. But you're coming with me. And stop talking like that, you're acting like a child." – I said, grabbing her waist.

"Get away from me. You're so rich and so spoiled that you cant even take an insult without start crying? Go home, weak."

Was I crying? I didn't notice.

"Why are you doing this?"

She just laughed, drank more and said:

"Im gonna kiss this boy. You're so good looking. But I am lesbian, did you know that?" – She asked him. – "But you know, I miss kissing boys." – And she kissed him. It was disgusting. She kissed him in front of me.

Now I realized how hard I was crying. It felt like a river falling down from my eyes.

I didn't say a thing. While they were kissing I just left.

At home, I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't believe she did this to me. But yet I was worried because she was drunk and alone.

So I came back to the bar and there she was, puking on the restroom.

"Get away." – I pulled everyone that was on my way away and found a drunk Renata sat on the floor.

"Let's get out of here." – I suspended her from the floor and took her home.


	21. Deception and Perfection

"Jazmin, I need you to come over. I don't care what you're doing. Just come." – Crying, I left a voicemail to Jaz because she wasn't answering the phone.

I was too nervous. I myself gave her a bath, taking her clothes off on the shower.

"What have you done, babe?" – I couldn't stop crying. Her eyes were closed and she couldn't stand by herself. – "I'm here."

After the difficult shower, she slept on my arms and naked, I putted her on my bed.

A minute after, Jazmin appeared. I opened the door and just hugged her.

"Julia, what's wrong? Hey." – Worried, Jazmin held me tight. I just cried. She closed the door and we sat on the couch. – "Calm down, darling. Tell me what's wrong."

"You know today was Led Zeppelin's concert, right? So, we went there and after that we went to a bar. Renata was so drunk, I..." – I cried again.

"What have she done to you, my dear? I'm gonna kill her if she did something to you."

"She was so drunk. It wasn't her fault, Jaz. She told me things, did things. But she was drunk." – I sighed. – "But yet I am so hurt."

"I'm gonna kill her."

"No. I didn't finish." – I sighed again, trying to organize my thoughts. – "She kissed a boy in front of me. I went home because I was too upset. But then I realized she was all alone there. And unsafe. So I came back."

Jazmin looked at me.

"I cant believe this. You're just so stupid. What happened after?"

"I know I am stupid. But I love her." – I braced myself. – "When I came back, she was throwing up on the bar's restroom and I had to take her home. She had nobody."

"Where is she now?"

"She's sleeping on my bed. I gave her a bath. I am so hurt." – I cried again.

"Oh, dear…" – She hugged me. – "Is she that worth?"

"I love her, Jazmin. You're not understanding. She was drunk. You're not helping me."

"It's incredible how you forgive so easily. But I respect you."

"Thank you." – I started go get pissed because of Jazmin's lack of sensibility. Haven't she never fell in love?

We slept together on the couch.

In the morning I woke up early just to sneak out Renata.

She was still sleeping. The sheet was covering her. I was still so hurt. I couldn't stop thinking about the night before.

I cried a little. And wiped my tears so Jazmin couldn't see it.

"Hey." – I said, as I went downstairs, watching Jazmin standing up from the couch.

"Hey. Is she awake?" – She had a sleepy voice.

I nodded.

"Ummmm. Let's make the breakfast." – She hugged me. – "How are you feeling today?"

"Good." – I hided the "hurt" part because I didn't want to have more reasons to hate Renata. Because I didn't hate her.

"I want to talk to her." – Jazmin said, her facial expression was serious.

"Not today, Jazmin. Let me talk to her first." – I said, as I opened the refrigerator.

After Jazmin left I went to my bedroom. I climbed the bed and sat there, just watching her.

Minutes passed. I was starting to get pissed.

"Wake up." – I said, touching Renata's arm.

She moaned, slowly opening her eyes.

"It's almost one p.m. I'm gonna get you clean clothes. Yours are too dirty."

I left her, going to the closet.

"Wait." – She said.

I ignored her, picking up a long dress. Well, I was short and she was too tall. That would fit her.

"Here. Wear this." – I gave her the dress. – 'I'll be… I'll be on the other bedroom, if you need something."

I left the room without letting her say a word.

After a few minutes she opened the door from the bedroom I was.

My eyes were closed and I didn't bother to open them.

"Can we talk?" – Renata said, all embarrassed.

I opened my eyes.

"I am trying to think positive here because you were drunk and everything. But you didn't listen to me. I know I am younger than you. I fucking know that, ok? But yesterday it felt like you are the baby here. You don't remember a thing of what happened yesterday, do you?" – I looked at her.

"I… I kinda do but… It's not that clear. I am sorry for what I did last night. I know it was something terrible because of your face and because I woke up here. Naked. And alone. I know you didn't sleep with me."

"When people are drunk they use to say things they don't have the courage to say when they're sober. And you really hurt me yesterday."

"What did I say? Im sorry." – Her eyes were full of tears.

"You remember. You're crying."

"I don't! I don't, ok? Tell me what I said to you."

"You said I was boring and I treated you like I was your mother. You told me I was spoiled and because of that I couldn't take an insult. You insulted me so much. You said such terrible bad words to me. And you know what else? You kissed another person in front of me."

She started crying. I continued.

"I went home crying. But I couldn't leave you there alone. So when I came back, you were throwing up. And nobody was helping you. Only laughing and drinking more. So I took you home and washed you. But you're heavy, you know."

"I'm so embarrassed."

"You should be. Now please grab your stuff and go home. I need to be alone."

She left the room and I started crying.

I didn't know how to be and what to feel on that very moment.


	22. Fight for love

Renata tried to call me during the day. She left lots of voicemails but I didn't have the willing of listening to none of them.

The next day I went to work. I had to put more makeup because, well, my face was terrible. Renata was drinking coffee when I arrived. We only looked at each other. Mark looked at me but he couldn't say a thing because we weren't alone on the Teacher's Room. I ignored his glance and grabbed my material.

It was going to be a long and tough day.

"You look sad this morning, Professora. (Teacher.)" – Riley, a fourteen year-old girl, one of my closest friend in terms of student, came to my table. – "I observed you the whole morning. Is there anything we can do to help you?"

I didn't want to be noticed. But apparently, I was. Was that that hard to hide my emotions?

"I'm good, Riley. Just a little bit tired. But that's it. Go sit down." – I said, not bothering to speak in English.

So she did.

I went to the restroom to wash my face and try to look better. Alicia came in and saw me there.

"Tough morning." – She pointed, washing her hands.

I was facing the mirror.

"A little tough, I have to agree." – I sighed. I didn't want to talk about it with her. She wasn't even my friend. And besides, she didn't like me at all. I didn't even know why she was talking to me.

"I think it's going to rain. And the day is only going to get worse. I hate it when it rains."

Her complaining was just… Weird. She was suddenly talking about the weather. Was she trying to chat or something?

"I like it when it rains. It brings a certain melancholic feeling. It's good to read. But rain when I'm working is definitely something I wouldn't rather. Better when it's sunny, really." – I was talking too much. Oh my.

She gave me as smile and left the room.

Maybe I just needed to talk.

Still, she was a rude person.

At the lunch time, I hided myself on the classroom, reading and planning the next classes. I bought a little snack and stayed there. The last thing I wanted was to face Renata. I first needed to control my emotions. I couldn't deal with them on that very moment.

I heard a little knock and my heart just froze.

"Are you busy? I'd like to talk to you for a minute. It's not going to take too much of your time." – Mark said, smiling. His smile was so convincing.

"I, uh…. What is the subject?" – I said, watching him coming in and sitting in front of me.

"I think you know what the subject is."

"I didn't mean to be rude but what happened is not your business, Mark." – I crossed my legs, sitting straight.

"I know it's not my business. But I'm here as a friend. And from what I can see, you're not talking to each other. I want to help. That's it."

"Mark, please. Don't."

"Renata regrets of what she did. She really does. But she was drunk. She knows what she did was wrong and she deeply apologizes but, I think you're being a little too tough on her."

"Did she send you here? For fuck's sake."

"No, no. She didn't. She doesn't even know I'm here. I wanted to talk to you about it, really. Because I am Renata's person. She's alone here. She has only me."

I wanted to punch him. Of course she wasn't alone and she didn't only have him. And no. Definitely he WASN'T her person. I was.

"I am her person, Mark. Not you. And she's not alone. What happened is that I have the right to be upset at her. She's grown up. It's not like she can't take it, Mark. We fought. But I love her. I love her, Mark." – I said, trying to control my voice.

I guess Mark understood the "whole big thing".

"Please just don't break her heart."

"I won't." – I promised. I wanted to tell him that what happened was that I was the one heart broken. But it wasn't worth it to tell him.

"Ok, then. Well, the bell is about to ring. I better go."

"You better go, Mark." – I lightly smiled.

I was upset. I knew Mark was going to say something but I just… I didn't want it. I know Jazmin was going to do the same thing. But it's like, can't we count on our friends without they get too much into our stuff? This fight, this trouble, this thing… It was all about me and my girlfriend. About us. Not about us and them.

At the end of the day, it was raining cats and dogs. And winding. Renata was on the parkway, grabbing her keys, about to open the car's door. Her hair was parted in the middle, all behind her ears. Her facial expression was sad. I guess she didn't notice me.

"Stop pretending I'm not here." – She said.

I came closer, not wanting to speak loud.

"I'm not pretending. I just don't know what to say."

She breathed hardly.

"People get drunk, ok? I'm sorry for losing control. But people. Get. Drunk. I got drunk. Fuck." – She screamed. Luckily, the parkway was desert.

"This is not the place, Renata." – I said.

"I don't care. Just stop blaming me for something I didn't have the power to control. Even Jazmin went to talk to me. I'm feeling the worst person in the world. I screwed up, I know. I fucking know."

"Renata…"

"Stop! I won't stop talking until I finish what I have to say. I'm tired of this. And I even apologized" – Her eyes were full of tears.

"Mark went talk to me too, ok? I am not pissed because you got drunk. I got drunk too."

"I kissed another person in front of you and now I am feeling awful. Completely embarrassed. But I love you. I'm sorry." – Her tears were silently rolling down her face.

"Babe…"

"No. Don't touch me. This is torture, ok?"

I came closer and closed her car's door, looking at her.

"I'm sorry too." – I said.

She just hugged me.

"I'm trying to be a better person. And I am so sorry about what happened. Please. Talk to me." – She said.

"I'm here for you, my love."

"Im sorry for what I said. Im sorry I hurt you. I love you."

"It's ok now." – I looked at her and kissed her forehead.


	23. Strange but charmy

I didn't know what to do after what happened on the parkway. I even thought we were alone. But I guess we weren't and Renata loves a big show. A few people watched us. Mark and Jazmin, the gossipers, just ran to see what was happening. They even shouted "kiss kiss kiss" when we were hugging each other. I felt Renata's relief. Her shoulders were not tense anymore and she gave me that smile. Her smile. God, I've seen lots of smiles in my life but Renata had a unique smile. It was like the world could stop for a second. Just like Bruno Mars' song "…And when you smile the whole world stops and stares for awhile". It was exactly like this.

I had my car and she had hers so we went to her house in separate cars. When we arrived she just couldn't be away from me.

At night I was laid and all covered by her blankets on the bed. She was holding my hand.

"I guess it's time for us to move." – I said. – "You want us to live together, right?"

"I do!" – She giggled, hugging me under the blanket.

"Well… How about we go out on the weekend and look for a new house? Our house?" – I kissed her chin.

"I'd love it! Oh, how I love you…" – She closed her eyes.

I just smiled and went on top of her. Good thing we were both naked.

"Wanna go out on a date with me tonight?" – I blinked.

"I'm already yours. You don't have to take me out on a date!" – She giggled. – "Besides, it's nine o'clock already, babe."

"Who said we have to go actually out? Let's do something here."

"Like what?" – She was smiling, trying to guess.

I went off the bed and covered myself with a robe.

"How about the pool?" – I looked outside the window.

"It's dark." – Renata sat, having fun with my ideas.

"That's the intention. And we're alone. Come on." – My smile went bigger.

She stood up.

"Naked?"

"Yes." – I whispered, kissing her forehead.

"You're crazy." – She whispered back.

"Only if it's for you"

Pool was cold, I have to admit. But we had so much fun that we didn't care.

"How does it feels for you to explore the wild side of the life?" – Renata said, lying on the grass.

"Amazing, to be honest." – I smiled, lying down next to her.

"For me it feels perfect. I don't think I could feel more comfortable and free like this if not with you."

We were looking at each other.

"I feel so confident about us." – I said, hugging her.

"I love your body. You're beautiful." – She said, sighing.

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of admiring you." – I kissed her.

We kissed for a while and then we went inside because it was getting too cold.

Unfortunately I had to go home because the next day I had to work. Good thing there was no tension between us anymore.


	24. In darkness she is all I see

"Tuesday morning rain is falling. Steal some covers, share some skin." – I started to sing Sunday Morning (apparently changing the Sunday to Tuesday) on the break for lunch at work. Renata was just laughing at my terrible performance.

I took Mark to dance with me, while we were all watching the rain falling. Apparently we couldn't go anywhere and we were all locked inside. I was just trying to cheer them up. – "Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable, you twist to fit the mold that I am in."

"I twist, ok Mark? Not you." – Renata said, sat on a chair and watching us dancing.

"I get it. Besides she's not my type." – Mark said.

"But thins just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do and I would gladly hit the road, et up and go if I knew that someday it would lead me back to you" – I looked at my girlfriend and from the corner I could see Jazmin already laughing. – "That someday it would lead me back to you."

"Julia, you're so romantic I think I'm going to throw up." – Jazmin said.

"You're complaining because she's not your girlfriend." – Renata said, standing up from the chair, pushing Mark away and leading the dance.

"Wow, check out this fierce woman." – Mark said, as I started to dance with Renata.

The funny thing is that we didn't have music on. I was just singing.

"You suck as a singer." – Jazmin said again.

"Shut up I'm Adam Levine." – I said and looked at my girlfriend. – "That maybe all I need, in darkness she is all I see. Come and rest your bones with me. Driving slow on Sunday, ops no, Tuesday morning and I never want to leave."

Renata only laughed.

I ended up the dance leading her and gave her a small kiss on the lips.

Mark and Jazmin clapped.

"What a show, I have to admit." – Jazmin said.

"I think Im going to call my girlfriend and tell her I love her because…" – Mark said, grabbing his phone.

I guess he got affected by the scene.

I smiled.

"I think we're romantic." – Renata said, still on my arms.

"We are." – I said.

"You are."

"Ok, then." – I kissed the tip of her nose.

She closed her eyes, smiling.

On the weekend Renata showed up at my place on the morning and we went out to look for houses.

We looked up for lots of houses. At the end of the day I was tired. But, for the first time I saw a spark on Renata's eyes. She was in love for a certain house. So was I.

"Can we have a dog?" - I asked, as we entered on a beautiful big house. It had a pretty backyard.

"We can have lots of dogs if we get this house, babe." – Renata said, amazed by the size of the house.

"Did you like this house?" – I said.

"I loved it but… It looks really expensive." – She sighed.

"I'll buy it."

"What? But…"

"You loved it. I loved it. Hey, Im buying it." – I said to the realtor.

"Oh my God."

That was all she said.


	25. Life starts now

A month passed and it was an ordinary morning in Minneapolis. It wasn't raining (thank God) but it was cold. Birds were singing at my window and the Sun was trying to warm us up.

It was a perfect Saturday morning to relax, go out, sleep and catch up with favorite tv shows. Unfortunately it wasn't an ordinary day for me and for Renata. We were moving. And the house was a chaos.

"Can anyone help me with these boxes?" – I screamed, carrying heavy boxes to the truck.

"Hey, need any help?" – Renata showed up, wearing an old large tee shirt and jeans shorts. Her hair was in a messy ponytail. She was breathing heavily.

"Actually I do. I need help to carry theses boxes to the truck. It's the objects from the kitchen. The others are already on the truck but it seems like these ones are heavier."

She ran and grabbed the boxes from my hands.

"Let me help you…"

"Careful, babe." – I dropped a box in her hands.

After putting all the stuff on the truck, we went to our new house.

It had three guest's bedrooms and one master bedroom, six bathrooms, a big pool and the garden was just enchanting. Oh, did I mention the Jacuzzi?

The house was a mess. The house was all painted on the outside and on the inside because thankfully right after we bought the house we called a painter. But our bedroom needed another painting.

We ordered food and ate it sat on the living room's floor.

At nine o'clock we were still cleaning the house and putting the objects in order.

Our furniture was going to be mounted on Monday and Renata was going to take a day off from work so she could take care of the mounting.

We slept on the mattress, still too happy to care.

"I'm so happy. Finally." – Renata said, with her eyes closed.

I sighed from relief.

"Today was tough, wasn't it?" – I laughed.

"And we're not over."

"And we're not over." – I repeated.

"Thank you." – She whispered.

"For what, babe?" – I asked.

"For being mine." – She smiled, coming closer.

I spooned her and we slept like this.

On Sunday we finished cleaning the house and we went to the market to buy food. It was the first time we did something like that together.

It was funny. I didn't know Renata was allergic to peanuts.

On Monday I went to work and Jazmin asked me about the welcoming party.

"Oh my God, but I just moved." – I said.

'I know. That's why we need to throw a party."

I sighed. I couldn't say no to her.

"When?"

"I don't know. When you and Renata set things down. Maybe next week. We can use the pool and everything. Oh. I can take care of this. You've done a lot already."

Jazmin was so crazy. I didn't know what to expect from her! But yet, I agreed.


	26. Like a Child

"A party?" – Renata asked. – "Is Jazmin out of her mind? We just moved." – She was on the TV room, playing Xbox.

"People usually throw parties when they move, babe. It's like a way of saying "welcome."." – I said, sitting on the couch next to her. – "And Jazmin has good intentions."

She looked at me. Her eyes said: No, she doesn't.

"Babe! Please!" – I moaned the words, making a sad face and resting my body on her side.

She stopped the game, Call of Duty, to look at me.

"Why the sad face, boo-boo?" – She smiled, having fun about my situation.

"I already said "yes" to her. Please."

"How many people are coming?" – She asked, going back to the game.

I sat straight. I guess I was convincing her.

"I don't know. She didn't mention this part. But not too many people."

"Not too many people? What? There is still going to be many people."

"Why don't you like parties?" – I asked.

She was killed in the game.

"Fuck." – She spoke to herself. And looked at me. – "Is not that I don't like parties. I do. But when it comes to a party at my house, with my things, my backyard, my everything, I'm a little afraid. And besides, who is going to clean all the mess left from the party? Us." – She raised an eyebrow, sounding victorious.

"Can you just stop being so controlling for a second?" – I pulled her, making her lay fully on the couch. – "It's just a party." – I kissed her cheek. – "Just a day."

She hided her face on the pillow.

"Renata…" – I kissed her cheek again. – "Renata..." – I repeated, tickling her.

"Oh." – She started laughing. – "No, no. Stop!"

"Only if you say yes."

She was laughing so hard I have to admit I was quite having fun.

"Ok, ok. You won. Let's have this party, then. But stop!"

I stopped with the tickles.

"Thank you."

"You took advantage from me. This is not cool." – She said, sitting straight.

"Oh, you're so boring."

"And you're so childish."

I looked at her.

"Oh, so I'm childish." – I raised my hands.

She realized I was going to tickle her again.

"Julia, don't you dare." – She was already laughing.

So I tickled her. And we stared a tickle fight until she stood up and started running through the house. And I ran after her.

"No!" – She was laughing.

"You're running from me!" – I was laughing too.

"You're tickling me!" – She was running to our bedroom.

Luckily the timing was good for me and I could get to open the door before she could lock it.

"Julia!" – She said, fixing her hair that was all on her face.

She climbed to the bed, being on her feet.

I climbed on the bed too.

"Running from me, right? Good thing I'm fast." – I said.

"No!" – She laughed so hard it looked like she was having the time of her life.

I pulled her closer, grabbing her by her hips. I slipped my hand to her butt.

"Please." – She was begging. – "No more tickles. I'm done!"

I smiled and came really close to her mouth. I was just feeling her breathe.

Her hands were now on my shoulders, climbing to my neck and back. It stopped on my sides and then they made their way to my neck again. And repeated.

I closed my eyes and kissed her.

It wasn't a desperate kiss. It was totally passionate. Having Renata this close to me was like heaven.

Since the first day I met her to now, I couldn't feel more passion for her. She was my everything. Everything happened so fast. Our first kiss, our first date, our first time, our first trip together, our first house now. I was so blessed.

"I love you." – I said, touching our foreheads.

"I love you more." – She said, a smile framing on her lips.

"No, you don't. There's no way a person can love another person the way I love you."

"I may be the exception." – She whispered, kissing me again.

She was only wearing a large band t-shirt. Guns n' Roses one. I seriously don't know why she buys such large band t-shirts.

I took her t-shirt off, revealing her breasts. She lied on bed, calmly. There was no need to rush. She just closed her eyes.

Now imagine, having the person you love loving you back. A person that is up to anything for you.

She was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. I wish I could freeze the moment. Everything about her was beautiful. I felt like a stupid girl. Because I was so in love it was disgusting.

But at least she loved me back.


	27. The Party pt I

Jazmin and I were way too excited for the party. It was like we've been waiting for it in years. I was used to parties. In my house I used to throw parties every weekend.

We organized everything: the food, the decoration, the guest's list… It was all going to be perfect.

It was eight o'clock of a Saturday. I was keeping the beers on the freezer. When I opened one, a flash from the Concert came up to my mind. Renata drunk, me pissed and a terrible night ending.

I drank the beer quietly, sitting on the bench next to the pool. Fortunately it was sunny. I missed sunny days in Minnesota. I was wearing my night-grown still and when I left the bedroom, Renata was on the bathroom.

The party would start at eleven. Jazmin and Mark were going to appear at ten. It was going to be a pool party.

"Drinking before midday?" – Renata asked, resting her hand on my shoulder. She leaned to kiss me.

"Just to warm me up." – I said. She grabbed the beer from my hand and drank it a little.

She sat on my lap, resting her head on my chest and closing her eyes.

"Still sleepy, baby?" – I asked, kissing her temple.

"I shouldn't." – She smiled, eyes still closed. – "I have something to say."

I looked at her and she opened her eyes.

"About today… I know you might be afraid that something bad happens… But I won't drink much. I can't promise you I won't drink but I won't drink much. I promise."

"You don't have to promise me anything, babe. You're grown up and you know what you're doing. Just don't… Overdo."

"I won't." – She crossed her legs. – "Now please let's eat breakfast because I'm hungry."

…

At eleven people started to appear. The sound was already loud.

I was wearing a pink bikini and Renata was still changing.

"Hey, thanks for coming!" – I greeted Kim, one of our friends from work.

"Nice house. Wow."

I laughed.

I was entertained with some friends I didn't even realize Renata appeared. She was coming on my way.

"Wow" was the only thing that came to my mind. She was pale and wearing a black vintage bikini. The combination was perfect. A good thing about her was that she had curves. She had her hair held in a bun and she was wearing sunglasses. And red lipstick.

For God's sake...

She was smiling, greeting people and eating.

"You have a hot girlfriend, I have to admit." – Pat, one of my friends from NY was here for work and decided to spend the day with us.

"Take your eyes off of my girl, Pat." – I smiled, drinking my soda.

"Cheers!" – Renata appeared, touching her glasses with mine. – "You're drinking soda too? Oh, this is solidarity." – She sat next to me.

"No alcohol for now."

"Like you were a saint, right?" – She laughed and looked at Pat. – "Did you know she drank beer at eight in the morning today?"

Pat laughed.

"Oh, I raised you well. I'm proud."

"Like the old times, bitch." – I said to her.

"Like the old times." – The blonde repeated, laughing.

I stood up and went inside to grab more food for the guests.

"I'm burning." – Renata said, grabbing Champagne from the freeze.

"The Perks of Being a White Person." – I looked at her. She smiled.

"Nice joke. If this was a perk." – She rolled her eyes.

"You look sexy wearing sunglasses." – I made a note.

"I what?" – She laughed.

"Sexy." – I kissed her lips and went outside.


	28. The Party pt 2

We also had barbecue. Jazmin and Mark were feeling like they were the owners of the house. I didn't care because, well, only I and Renata couldn't take care of the house by ourselves with so many people on it.

"We want to thank you guys for coming." – Jazmin climbed on a table to speak. – "I love this girl here." – She pointed at me. I blushed. – "She's happy for the party I planned, as you see." – She emphasized the "I". – "And I want to thank to you for showing up. That's it. Woo hoo, party!" – She screamed.

We couldn't help it but laugh. Jazmin was so drunk.

Renata hugged me.

"I love this house."

"Me too. What I don't love is the mess that is going to be left." – I admitted.

"I warned you, silly. Now you have to face the consequences."

"I'm already lazy."

We spent the whole time together. We didn't drink much. Actually we almost didn't drink. It was only soda and a few Champagnes.

We danced to electronic music. I had so much fun on the dance floor. Also we had videogames championship, on which Renata won practically all the time. She was really good at that.

We had cake. I don't know why but we had a huge cake. It was Jazmin's idea, of course.

The party ended at six p.m. Seven hours partying wasn't easy. All I wanted was to sleep.

"I'm gonna hire a maid. I don't care." – I said, as I sat on the counter of the bar, facing my backyard.

"I'm supporting the idea." – Renata said.

"Give me a high five." – I raised my hand.

"Girls, do you know where Jazmin is?" – Mark asked.

I looked at him.

"Hangover somewhere. She's ok."

"You sure she's ok?" – Renata looked at me.

"She can take care of herself. Don't worry. I know this girl for a long time."

"Where is your girlfriend, Mark?" – Renata asked.

"Waiting for me in the car, actually. In fact, I should get going. You girls said you don't need any help."

"We're going to hire a maid. Tomorrow hard work starts. Im not giving a shit about my backyard today. I know that if I sleep now I'm only going to wake up tomorrow."

"Tomorrow is Sunday." – Mark made a note.

"I don't care." – Renata jumped out from the counter. – "Im gonna take a shower and sleep. Bye."

I watched her.

"Is she ok?" – Mark asked.

"Yes." – I smiled.

"Well, I better get going."

At night Renata was already sleeping and I was watching TV.

MTV was on and the "Spectrum" video clip was on the screen.

I looked at Renata and then at Florence. At Renata again and then at Florence. They weren't that alike. But there were some things that reminded her of my girlfriend. If I could choose between Florence Welch and Renata Klein I would choose Renata. I'd always choose her. It was silly to think about it.

I fell asleep fast.

Renata woke me up in the middle of the night screaming.

"Don't! Kill me! Kill me!"

"Babe!" - I looked at her. She was crying. –"Hey. It was just a nightmare. Kill who?" – I hugged her.

"Oh." – She cried. – "I thought I lost you."

I pulled her closer. The bedroom was dark and the windows were all closed. I could only feel her in my arms

"I'm here. Shhhh." – I kissed her hair.

"There was a thief in our house. But this house is so big I couldn't take care of you. And then he killed you. He was supposed to kill me, babe, not you."

"No one died, Renata. I'm here. I'm still here."

She hugged me tightly.

"Don't you ever go away." – She said, sighing.

'I'm not. Now close your eyes. I'll be here. You're feeling me."

I was sleepy, closing my eyes every time.

"Kiss me." – She said.

I tried to find her face and when I did, I kissed her.

"Ok, now." – I said, kissing her again. – "Close your eyes."

"Thank you."


	29. You're hot

"Morning." – I said, coming closer to Renata. We were on the kitchen.

I woke up alone this morning. It was eight o'clock. Yesterday was crazy with all the things about the party and also Renata's nightmare. We didn't sleep the way we were supposed to.

I found a Renata preparing something on the counter. Her hair has never been so messier. She was only wearing white panties and a big blouse, large and also white. Her blouse was sleeveless and it was cut until the middle of her side. She wasn't wearing any bra so… Well, it was a little transparent and it was possible to see the sides of her boobs.

We weren't even married and she was walking like this at home already? I found it funny the way she was so confident and relaxed about herself.

I kissed her cheek. She had dark circles.

"Good morning." – She gave me a little smile.

I hugged her from behind and putted my hands above hers, taking hers away from the counter.

"What are you doing, sexy lady?" – I asked.

I gave her goose bumps.

"Making our breakfast." – She answered. – "Are you going to call for services today?"

"It's Sunday, babe." – I kissed her shoulder.

"But my house is a mess." – She made her sad face.

She looked like a lost puppy.

"I can clean the house. It's ok. Tomorrow the maid can only do the hardworking part."

She looked at me.

"I'm tired today. I'm sorry."

I took a lock of hair from her face.

"You look sad." – I observed.

"I…" – She sighed. – "I guess I'm gonna have to take pills for sleeping again."

"Did you use to take pills for sleeping? But babe, it was just a nightmare."

"No, it wasn't. Trust me. I have to buy it. I'm ok." – She gave me a weak smile, kissing my lips.

We had breakfast, not talking much.

I cleaned the house and Renata stayed inside, planning her classes. I had to correct a few tests too, but no rush.

We went out for lunch and after the lunch we went to the mall.

We were holding hands and when we walked next to a mirror I stopped and looked at us.

"Do you think we make a good couple?" – I asked.

She only smiled. I know the answer.

"You're so short."

"And you're so tall."

She hugged me, kissing my temple.

"Baby."

"No!" – I laughed.

"You are. And I love you and this cute nickname. Don't complain."

"I'm gonna call you giant. How does it feel for you?"

"Giant? It feels like a monster, maybe." – She curved her lips down a little bit.

"Oh, come here. Not giant." – I kissed her lips, holding her face.

She was smiling so big!

"You're so beautiful when smiling, Renata. Look." – I made her look at the mirror.

"I'm not."

"You are gorgeous."

"I'm old."

"I love the old ones." – I winked at her.

"Nasty." – She laughed.

"And you're not old. You're hot. Pretty hot. And young. I don't know what you're talking about." – I left the place, walking in the direction of the entrance.

"Come here! Im hot, then?" – She grabbed me by my arm.

"Of course. Since the first day I thought you were the hottest woman I've ever seen."

"I guess you haven't seen many women in your life, then." – She rested her hands on my shoulders.

"No, I'm serious."

"So am I!" – Renata was smiling. She knew I was serious. I guess her ego was just enormous right now.

I looked deep in her eyes.

"When I first saw you you couldn't keep my eyes off of you. And I didn't even know your name! And I found you very hot. Different from the girls from the covers on the magazines. My type. My hot type. So yes, you are really hot. The hottest." – I was embarrassed.

Renata didn't know what to say. Neither did I.

So we just went back to the car and stayed quiet for a while.

"Im even hot when wearing band t-shirts and messy buns?" – She asked.

"Even hotter, actually."

She just smiled.

"Ok, then… Well, I have a few things to say to you. And show."


	30. Take Care

"I'm curious." - I said, as we entered home.

Renata left her purse on the table and went upstairs, without saying anything.

I followed her, taking off my coat. I found her on our bedroom.

She was taking off her blouse, revealing her pale skin. I didn't realize I was staring at her, resting my body on the wall.

Her bra was lace and red. She looked at me with her big green eyes.

"What's on your mind?" – I asked.

"Um?" – She looked at me, innocently.

"You said you had something to tell me."

"And show you, I know it." – She took off her pants, showing her lacy red panties. She was matching. – "You think I'm hot like this?" – She rested her hands on her hips.

I smiled. What was she trying to do?

"Of course." – I held my will of coming closer.

She smiled.

"Don't forget this image of me right now, ok?"

How could I forget the image of my beautiful-almost-naked girlfriend?

She entered on the closet and came back with a leather box. She opened it on the bed and said:

"Come here."

So I did.

She opened the box and there she took out an old photo album.

"Is it really necessary to wear only this, Renata? You're decentralizing me."

"But I didn't even show you anything, love." – She giggled.

She opened the photo album and started to search something.

She stopped at a page.

"Look. This is me in high school. Super hot, right?"

I found a brunette girl wearing glasses and braces. Oh, or were those retainers? Anyway, she was smiling and wearing a terrible orange t-shirt. Her hair was big and twisted. But those big eyes denounced my Renata.

"Is that you?" – I asked.

"Hot, right?"

I looked at her.

"No, don't say anything. I'm not done yet."

She showed me a few pictures of her youth.

"I had my first kiss at eighteen, if you wanna know."

"Are you trying to make me chance my mind? It's not working. I don't know if you know but you are the one almost naked in front of me."

She looked at me, closing the photo album. Then she went on top of me.

"That's the point. I wanted to show you that I wasn't that hot. I am not that hot, still. But, as you can see, I got a hundred times better."

I tried hard not to have a heart attack because well, imagine.

"Babe." – I didn't know what to say. I just laid my hands on her thighs and looked at her.

"This was a warning, actually. "Take care of your hot girlfriend." Because you know I'm hot and you know people can look at me the same way as you do, right?" – She started kissing my neck. – "Not that I'm gonna give a shit about them, but just so you know. You have a hot girlfriend. Take care of her." – She whispered the last sentence.

Im gonna die.

"I am taking care of you." – I lightly bit her earlobe.


	31. Her Dog Days Are Over

We were watching TV at our bedroom and I was stroking her arm.

"You never told me about your tattoos." – I said, observing her tattoos, one in each arm.

"You never asked." – She said.

"You have a cute one and an... a tribal one." – I giggled.

"Let's call them "straight one" and "lesbian one"."

I looked at her.

"I'm curious about them. And by the way I prefer the straight one."

She laughed and sat straight, looking at me.

"I, uh, I needed freedom. I mean, something that could express freedom." – She pointed to the tattoo with birds and a landscape. – "The other... Well, I was a bit drunk and I needed something different. Besides, I was trying to be a man, let's put the cards on the table."

I guess she didn't like to talk about her tattoos.

I kissed her shoulder.

"I want to have tattoos someday. But I don't know what tattoo."

"I went through a though phase. When I found out I enjoyed kissing girls. But there was a girl whom I happily do not recall the name and uh... She liked the boyish girls, you know. And I was really femme. So I changed for her. I had my hair cut and this tribal tattoo and I changed my clothes for her... Well, in the end she found out she liked guys and I ended up being the clown of the story. Anyway." – She said, ignoring my comment. She seemed emerged in her thoughts.

"I..." – I started.

"Don't you ever change for someone, ok? Don't be dumb like I was."

For God's sake, she looked like my mother talking like that.

I grabbed her hand.

"I won't. Besides, why would I change for someone? From what I've seen, you've never complained about my look. And there's no one in this world I want to be but you."

She smiled and kissed my lips, gently.

"The other tattoo is more recent. But stupid, still. Because birds and landscape." – She laughed.

"There's nothing wrong about birds and landscape, Renata." – I hugged her.

She simply smiled.

"Tell me about your plans for a tattoo."

"I... I don't know yet. But I don't feel like writing someone's name on my arm or on my foot."

"Yes, you don't look like you would do it."

"I'm still twenty one. I can think about it later."

I closed my eyes as Renata watched the TV.

"RUN FAST FOR YOU MOTHER RUN FAST FOR YOU FATHER RUN FOR YOUR CHILDREN FOR YOUR SISTERS AND BROTHERS" – When I opened my eyes I saw a dancing Renata jumping on bed, watching "Dog Days Are Over" video clip. I laughed. It was so funny.

She was wearing her pajamas and jumping on bed like a little girl.

"LEAVE ALL YOUR LOVE AND YOUR LONGING BEHIND YOU CAN'T CARRY IT WITH YOU IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE. THE DOG DAYS ARE OVE-ER THE DOG DAYS ARE DONE! CAN YOU HEAR THE HORSES? CAUSE HERE THEY COME!" – She pulled me up and I was only laughing.

My girlfriend was the most insane person I've ever seen!

At first you would never think she was like this!

"Renata, you..."

"Sing with me! And I never wanted anything from you." – She gestured while singing. – "Except everything you had and what was left after that too." – She looked at me. – " Oh." – She step out from the bed and increased the volume. It was so loud. – "HAPPINESS HIT HER LIKE A BULLET IN THE BACK. STRUCK FROM A GREAT HIGH BY SOMEONE WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN THAT"

I was laughing and dancing and she was singing along. When the music ended she threw herself to the bed, resting her hands on her stomach.

"I love Florence. She's so crazy!"

"You're crazy too." – I observed her.

"I could be a singer. I'm amazing!"

No, Renata, you're not.

I had a crazy girlfriend and I only figured out now.


	32. Lessons

It was morning and we just had breakfast. Renata was washing the dishes and I was cleaning the living room. I saw the piano I bought her and realized she wasn't playing it much. I looked at the kitchen doorway, slightly seeing her washing her hands. I smiled because she was so precious doing anything. The sunlight from the window was illuminating her in a special way. Her face seemed happier and I could swear she was enjoying the light. She took her hair from her face and tried to tie a bun but she wasn't successful. She made an irritating face and opened the refrigerator, grabbing ice cream. She closed the refrigerator door with her foot, as she grabbed a spoon.

I was the silly lover watching her moves.

She left the kitchen with the pot and a spoon. I just smiled.

"Eating straight from the pot?" – I asked, as she was coming closer.

"It's almost over. Do you want?" - She lifted her spoon.

"No. I'm good."

Her eyes toured the room, stopping at me and then at the piano, which I was leaned on. She left the pot on the table and grabbed my hand.

"What's on your mind, baby, tell me." – She asked, her smile not wanting to leave her lips.

"I was thinking here… I miss you playing."

"What do you want me to play?"

I sat on the piano bench and tapped on it, motioning for her to sit on my side.

She sat on my right side and looked at me:

"Do you know how to play something?" - She looked at me, unbelieving.

"No, silly." – I winked at her.

Her smile went bigger and she stood up from the bench and sat on my left side, pushing me a little aside.

"I'm gonna start…" – She started playing and the melody was known… But what was the song?

"Counting all different ideas drifting away." – I suddenly remembered the song. It was 1901 by Birdy. Renata was amazing. – "Past and present they don't matter, now the future's sorted out."

"Pay attention… It's not that hard. See how I repeat a few notes?" – She looked at me.

"What've you done to your fingers?" – I smiled. – "Yeah, I see."

She repeated the beginning.

"Watch…" – She started again with only one hand, her left, and checked on me to see if I was paying attention.

She grabbed my hand and putted it on the keys.

"Repeat." – She said, looking at the piano keys. With a little difficulty and hesitation I repeated her moves. – "Good, babe. Now…" – She played a few new notes and I watched. Then, with her right hand above my left, she pressed my fingers to the keys, lightly.

"Ok, ok, I got it. My turn." – I smiled, taking off her hands from the piano.

"Ok, fine!" – She laughed.

I started playing since the beginning, remembering the first notes for the intro… In my head I was singing the song… "Watch her moving in elliptical patterns, think it's not what you say what you say is way too complicated. For a minute thought I couldn't tell how to fall out…" I stopped.

"Good, babe." – She complimented me, encouraging and I felt like the best pianist ever.

"It's twenty seconds till the last call…"

"No, no, no." – She laughed. – "Same mistake." – She grabbed my finger and putted in on the right key. – "Here." – She whispered.

"But..." – I argued. – "Ain't it here?"

"No. If you do this the sound is going to be different. It's where I putted your finger on. Watch." – She started to play from where I stopped and I paid attention.

I raised my eyebrows, realizing my mistake.

"Do it again, now." - She said, with a bossy voice.

I liked her being bossy.

I started to play the part I've stopped and well… Good job, I dare to say.

Renata had her hands rested on her lap, her flowered green dress, a little transparent, flying a little because of the wind.

"Julia, make your touches softer. It's too crude and the sound is heavy."

I listened the advice and tried to soft my touches.

"Less strength. It's just a piano." – She grabbed my hand and my breathing deregulated. Suddenly my touches went softer. – "Good, babe. Just like that. Keep it up."

Renata was guiding me. I didn't know if I paid attention on what I was doing or on her.

She was breath-taking. Stunning.

"Now." – She said, when I finished. – "The same thing."

"I love the lyric." – I made a note.

She giggled as I started playing.

"Remember to make it soft."

I nodded.

"And I'll be anything you ask and more…

"The finger, Julia." – She said, holding her laugh and I fixed it.

"You're laughing."

"No, I'm not." – She smiled.

You're going hey hey hey hey hey hey.

It's not a miracle we needed.

No I wouldn't let you think so."

She started to play the chorus, then.

"Fold it, fold it, fold it, fold it." – She sang.

I only watched. God damn it, why was that so hard to learn?

She grabbed my hand again.

"Girlfriend, oh your girlfriend is drifting away."

I repeated a few times until I could make it right.

"Past and present eighteen fifty five nineteen o one.

Watch them built up a meteor tower

Think it's not gonna say anyway"

"No, Julia. Softer." - She had to remind me. – "And it's like this. Give me your fingers."

Repeating and repeating, I was tired.

It's been an hour.

"Think it's overrated

For a minute thought I couldn't tell how to fall out"

"Now it's repeating everything I taught you." – She looked at me. – "Let's go together?"

I only smiled and nodded.

When we finished I yelled a big "Yay" and Renata only laughed.

"Mission accomplished."

"Can we do it again?" – I asked.

She made a sad face.

"Oh my God."

And there we started everything all over again.


	33. Get your filthy fingers out of my pie

It was April already. I was checking the calendar on the Teacher's Room. I still had two months until the other Teacher arrives. Two more months working on this place which only brought me happiness.

And my birthday was coming. It was April 10th and my birthday was on the 18th. Renata didn't know that because I didn't like birthdays. They always brought me such nostalgic feelings. And turning twenty two wasn't that big deal.

I turned the corner and saw Renata and Claire were arguing silently. I felt like I shouldn't be there and just left.

I sat on the bench in the garden, watching the kids playing. Renata showed up wearing a long skirt, her hair getting messy because of the wind. Good thing mine was held in a ponytail.

"Hey." – I said, as she sat on my side. I embraced her, kissing her temple.

"Hey." – She gave me a slightly smile.

We were in silent for a few seconds.

"Is everything ok?" – I asked, looking at her.

She looked at me.

"You saw me and Claire didn't you?" – I embarrassedly nodded. – "It's ok. It's just that she's a bitch and keeps bitching about pretty much everything." – She sighed, she was irritated.

"What have she done to you now?"

"She wants me to have extra work this weekend. But I can't do it. I told her to ask Alicia because well, she's another bitch, they can get together. Seriously, I'm so tired of Claire. She thinks that only because she's my boss she can get make all the decisions and we're not allowed to complain. Bitch."

I've never seen such an irritating Renata.

"God, babe, is she really like this? Don't you think you're overacting? I mean, I'm not saying she's not like this. It's just that she had never done such things to me." – I stroked her back, talking calmly.

She raised an eyebrow.

"She's a bitch. And I'm not working on the weekend. Not this weekend. Alicia is free, she can work."

"What's on the weekend?"

Her face suddenly changed.

"There's nothing on the weekend. I'm just not in the mood."

What? Renata, are you crazy? You're not going to work because you don't want to?

"Are you out of your mind? You don't want to work and you're not working?"

"I have plans." – She stood up. – "I have to go now. See you later." – She winked at me and left.

"Wait, what plans?" – It was late. She was far and couldn't hear me.

At night I had to stay until late at work and Renata was already home.

"Are you going to take too long?" – She asked. We were on the phone.

"No… I'm almost leaving."

"I miss you." - She made a baby voice.

My heart melted. I smiled.

"I'll be home to you as soon as possible, Flo."

"Flo?"

"Yeah. Since you decided to be the number one fan of Florence Welch I can get to call you Flo. And you look like her."

I know I was annoying her. But it was funny.

"You know I hate it when you do this. But you know what? I guess you are jealous because I said Florence was awesome."

"Me? Jealous? You're daydreaming."

"You are. But ok. I'll be here watching Florence's shows on Youtube while you don't come home."

That was unfair.

"Renata! You know I can't leave now."

"Well, what can I do? Hurry up. Ops, Only If For A Night is about to start… Look at Florence…"

Son of a bitch.

"Ten minutes." – And I turned off the phone.

Why the fuck was I jealous?

I bet Renata was having fun at my jealously.

I finished work rapidly and went home.

When I arrived, there was Renata, with her laptop watching a FATM live on Youtube. She had her earphones on.

I entered and she didn't even realize I was there. When I came closer she looked at me and gave me a big smile.

"Hello, you jealous thing."

"Shut up. I'm not." – I grabbed the laptop from her lap and sat next to her. I paused the video and she hugged me, kissing my arm, shoulder, neck, cheek and the corner of my lips.

"I said hey, girl with one eye, get your filthy fingers out of my pie. I said hey girl with one eye, I'll cut your little heart out cause you made me cry." – She was only wearing a rob and her lips were too red. – "I slipped my hand under her skirt." – She started tracing her way with her hand to my belly and thighs. – "I said don't worry, it's not gonna hurt." - I closed my eyes as her fingers slipped inside. – "My reputation's kinda crowded with dirt but now she sleeps with one eye open. And that's the price she'll pay."

I opened her rob and found a naked Renata. I swear I was dizzy.


	34. You're so lazy

The week went by too fast. Renata was still to mysterious.

On Saturday I went out with Jazmin for shopping. She just bought a new house.

"What are you and Renata going to do on your birthday? Do you have plans? Is it too intimate for me to know?" – She laughed.

I realized I didn't tell Renata my birthday was on Monday.

"Fuck, Jazmin." – I stopped walking.

"What?"

"Guess what, I didn't tell her about my birthday. She has no idea. Oh my God. She's going to be pissed. She loves parties and yays and everything."

"Oh, wow. You're stupid as fuck. I knew you were stupid but not this much. Congratulations, Julia."

"Thank you, Jazmin. Your compassion means a lot to me."

"I'm sorry. Is just that you're so lazy."

We entered in a sheet store.

"I know." – I started looking at the sheets. There were beautiful ones white and blue. – "Oh, I liked these ones, Jaz. Look."

"They're really pretty. But I'm going to paint my bedroom in baby yellow." – She sighed. – "Julia, why don't you tell her today? There's still time."

"I'm gonna do it. She's going to be pissed, still, but at least…"

"Don't worry."

We spent the day together. I called Renata a few times but she only answered me once.

I took a shower at Jaz's because we were going to go out for dinner. Jazmin insisted. It was good because I can't remember the last time we spent so much time together.

"Oh. Renata wants to join us. So we have to go to your place."

I was wearing a black dress and high heels.

"Ok. Hey, Renata's been weird the whole week. Do you know something?"

"Weird like what?" – She looked at me, entering on the bathroom, fixing her black curly hair.

"I feel like she's not telling me something. I don't know. She's just weird."

"Are you guys already in crisis? Oh my God, go have sex!"

I had to laugh.

"No, Jazmin. Not crisis."

"You're over thinking. That's it. She's ok. I haven't noticed anything wrong with her."

Maybe I was over thinking, after all.

We made our way to my place and when I opened the door, Renata and a lot of friends and, oh, my family too, were there.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Julia, happy birthday to you!" – They shouted the song.

Oh my gosh, I was took by surprise. Jazmin only laughed.

"I told you were lazy."

Renata was wearing mini shorts and a blue t-shirt.

"Happy birthday, dear love, happy birthday to you." – She sang again, hugging me.

"Oh my God, babe!"

"Surprised?"

"Totally."

We kissed, then. It wasn't a shy kiss. I don't know what she was trying to prove but her kiss was breath taking.

"It's ok, it's ok! My turn!" – My parents went to hug me and Renata was watching and only smiling.

The house was all decorated with balloons and there were food and people. It was amazing.

After greeting everybody and talking to a few people, I sat on the couch with Jazmin, Renata and Mark.

"You guys are crazy." – I said.

"Jazmin had to tell me about your birthday, you know. Otherwise you wouldn't tell me." – Renata glanced at me.

"I'm sorry, boo. I was going to tell you today. Ask Jazmin!"

"Because you forgot. You're a terrible girlfriend." – Jazmin pointed out.

"I forgive you, ok? Just because I am an amazing girlfriend." – Renata looked at me, with a superior look.

I smiled.

"Thank you."

We were all gathered together and so Renata came closer.

"Happy twenty two, my love." – She gave me a tiny little blue velvet box.

I looked at it and then at her and then at the people.

"Thank you! But you didn't have to buy me anything."

"I know. Open."

When I opened, I found a beautiful golden necklace. It was delicate. Not really what Renata would wear. The necklace had an "R" as a pendant. I looked at her.

"Can you?" – I gave her the necklace so she could put it on me. I was smiling so much.

She grabbed the necklace from my hands and so she putted it on me.

"Beautiful." – She whispered. – "I love you."

"I'm so yours." – I grabbed the pendant.

She grabbed another necklace. The other had a "J" and so she putted it on her.

"And I'm yours too."

We kissed again and we stayed together until the end of the party.

When everybody went home, there were only me, Renata and Jazmin.

"I better go, you know."

"Yeah. That's the best decision you're going to make today." – I said.

"Oh, how mean." – Renata opened the front door for Jaz.

Our friendship was like this. Always.

"I love you too, Julia. And no, my best decision today was to take you out so Renata and Mark could get to prepare the surprise party."

I looked at Renata and she smiled to me with her eyes.

"She's right."

"I love you, Jaz. Good night." – I quickly said, pulling Jaz away and closing the door.

"Bitch!" – Jazmin said.

I laughed.

"I see you guys love each other." – Renata said, as she sat on the couch.

"Oh, but we do." – I sat next to her.

"True friendship, the one you and Jaz have."

I smiled.

"Thank you for tonight. I had a great time. And thank you for the gift. It couldn't be more perfect." – Our faces were close, and the words went out almost like a whisper.

"It was just a little demonstration of my love for you." – She kissed the tip of my nose.

"I couldn't be more grateful. I love you."

"You better do love me, really." – She smiled.

"I do. I do. I do." – I kissed her lips gently.


	35. (Explicit) Panties

I was on bed, my body still too lazy to wake up. The sun was on my face and I was annoyed by it. So I stood up and closed the curtains.

When I looked to the bedroom, touring it with my eyes, I saw Renata with the closet door open, changing.

She had only black panties. I came closer to her.

"Good morning, love." – I whispered to her ear.

"Good morning. Ummm, amazing sensation." – She rested her head on my shoulder, closing her eyes as I stroked her stomach.

My hands went to her breasts, then, and she bit my earlobe.

"Hungry? I prepared breakfast." – She said, her voice hesitating a little.

"You're my breakfast for now." – I whispered, kissing and sucking her neck. My hands went down to the border of her panties, slowly taking it off.

"Here?" – She asked. Her voice was too taken by her sensations.

"Here. Now." – I made she look at me. We started kissing.

My hands were stroking her body and her hands were taking off my night-grown. I helped her taking it off. Her hands were inside of my panties instantly. The sensation was extraordinary. But I wanted to be on top of things.

I took her hand off from me and grabbed her by her wrists and took them above her head, taking off the clothes around and making her sit on the bench. My fingers thrust her without permission and her moaning went suffocating.

I set her wrists free and kissed her more intensely. I had one hand busy on her sex and the other was on her hip. Her hands were on my face.

She was too wet. I went down slowly, kissing her chin… neck… ear… breast… boobs… stomach and finally, her sex.

When she came, she pulled my hair.

"Babe. Please."

I traced my kisses up to her mouth again. She crossed her legs on my hips and we kissed there. Me, on my knees.

Then, we stopped kissing and just looked at each other. Her face was red and she was trying to breathe. Her green eyes locked with my brown eyes. Her arms embraced my neck, pulling me closer. She was slowly closing and opening her eyes.

We were just looking at each other. My beautiful girlfriend.

We kissed again, not wanting to leave the embrace.

I stood up, pulling her up and we went kissing back to our bed.

We woke up again at eleven. Luckily it was Sunday. But a cold Sunday.

"My back hurts." – Renata said. She was laid on the bed. The sheets were covering her from the hips to down. Her face was buried on the pillow. I was drawing on her back with my fingers.

"I'm sorry."

She looked at me.

"No, no. Innovating is good. But rest me on the floor next time." – She smiled.

"Was that that awful?" – I asked.

Suddenly her face changed. She looked worried. She sat on my side, covering herself.

"Of course not. I've never felt so good in my life. You're just amazing."

"But you…"

"I was kidding, kiddo." – She kissed me. – "It's not my fault if you don't get the joke." – She smiled, kissing my lower lip.

"I'm hungry now."

She looked at me with a dirty face.

"My stomach is hungry. Oh my God." – I emphasized the word "stomach".

She started laughing as I stood up.

"You were the one that started." – She said as I grabbed one of her big band t-shirts and wore. – "You look shorter on this."

I looked at her and then at the t-shirt.

"At least I have your scent." – I smelled the t-shirt.

She smiled, tapped my butt and grabbed one big t-shirt for her too.

"No panties?" – She asked.

"No. I'm going to stay inside the whole day."


	36. Kids

I woke up on this cold morning end of April day. The clock alarm was ringing and although I needed that to wake me up, I got so stressed every time it rang. But then I looked at my side and saw my beautiful girlfriend sleeping. Her lips were partially opened and her body was going up and down to the rhythm of her breathing. So calm. Suddenly I couldn't feel anything but passion. I gave her a good morning kiss on her forehead. She didn't wake up.

Not wanting to bother her, I simply wore my comfy gaiters and went downstairs. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. When I looked into the mirror I saw myself. I was boring. I needed a haircut. I sighed and then went to the kitchen. I prepared juice and toasts. The smell was delicious. Good thing I bought fruits too. I cut the strawberries and the mangoes too. My table was set and it was adorable. I was such a good "breakfast maker"!

I went upstairs again and there was my Renata still sleeping. I uncovered her feet and massaged it.

"Wake up." – I whispered. She didn't answer.

I started making my way up, uncovering her body and giving small kisses on her favorite spots: her heel, the back of her thigh, her fingers, her arm, her elbow, her neck. She was smiling.

"Wake up." – I repeated. She only smiled. Her lips closed so as her eyes.

I leaned down and gave her kisses on the lips. She giggled, slowly opening her eyes.

"I love waking up to you." – She said.

"I made breakfast."

She held me in her arms and kissed me again.

"Let's eat, then."

We went to work together. I kissed her good luck and went to a whole new, but ordinary, day at my classroom.

At the break I called to the hair saloon. It was Jazmin's favorite. Unfortunately they could only schedule for three thirty pm and it was three o'clock already.

"Go." – Jazmin encouraged.

"But I have to tell Re…"

"Shut up, Julia. Just go. She'll love it."

After confirming the appointment I looked around and realized I didn't see my girlfriend the whole day.

"Where's her, by the way?"

Jazmin bit her sandwich.

"Who?"

"Renata, silly."

"Oh. Probably arguing with Claire or helping some foolish kids. You know she love those kids. They're like all that matters."

"That's not true." – I said, trying to believe on my own words.

"She spends so much time with them. Before you came, she was the freaky one, you know. 'Darling' here, 'Darling' there. She was like their mother. I seriously though she lived on her mother's apartment with forty cats. Really." – She mimicked Renata's voice at 'Darling'. Annoying.

I laughed.

"What's your problem, Jazmin? She just like kids. You are jealous because you don't teach kids."

"I what? No. I'm cool with that, actually. Kids are noisy and you need to repeat the same thing a thousand times so they can understand. Also you have to sing. And make stupid drawings." – She shrugged.

"Once she drew me a puppy. It was cute." – I said it more to myself.

"You're affected by Renata's cuteness. Stop. You're scaring me."

"You need to get married." – I got up from the bench we were sat on. – "Now I'm going to cut my hair. It's not going to be too short. I promise."

"You have a beautiful hair. I don't know what your problem is." – She took a deep breath. – "Good luck."

So I went.

"I don't want anything too short, you know."

"Wanna cut it on your shoulders? It would be great." – The hairdresser, a woman that seemed to be Renata's age, gave her opinion, examining my layers.

"Still too safe… I want to change. How about cutting it on my neck?" – I pointed.

"I could cut it and give it a peak so your hair could have volume."

"No, no. I don't want you to peak it. Just a straight cut."

My phone rang and it was Renata.

"Hello, babe." – I answered.

"A haircut? You didn't tell me about it."

"Sorry but I wanted to make a surprise. Where have you been the whole day?"

"I was busy. Did you already cut it?"

"No… I'm about to right now."

"Oh. Ok. I'll be waiting for you here, then."

After cutting it off and looking at myself in the mirror, I saw a completely different person. And you know what? I loved it. I was afraid it was too radical for me but it was perfect. I also had fringe. I usually cut bangs but this time I wanted it different.

Keeping my head up, I went back to the school and I found Renata sat on the chair on the hallway, reading a magazine. She looked at me and got up from the chair.

"Hey. So…?" – I ran my fingers through my new hair, smiling.

She came closer.

"You're crazy. Your hair was so beautiful." – She ran her fingers through my hair too, staring at my new haircut.

"You didn't like it?" – I stopped smiling, worried.

"No. No, of course not. I loved it. To be honest I have the biggest crush on short-haired girls." – She winked at me.

"You scared me. I thought you didn't like it."

"I liked it. Really. But next time I'd like to participate more on your choices. You know I'll always support you." – She kissed my cheek. – "Now I have to go. I'm quite late and the kids are waiting for me."

I smiled, looking at her. She was so adorable when worried about her kids.

"Your classroom is probably getting a mess right now. You know how the kids are."

"Yeah, right? They're terrible. I've got to go." – She was moving away from me. Her and her little bag.

"Ok. See you at dinner."

"I love you." – She declared it, making no sound. I had to read her lips.

"Love you too." – I did the same.


	37. Take A Chance On Love

"You look adorable." – Jazmin said, messing my hair while we were walking to the parking lot.

"If you don't stop with this instead of looking adorable I'm going to look like a groom." – I said, annoyed.

"Ok, ok." – She laughed.

Jazmin seemed so happy.

"What's going on, butthead? You look happier." – I asked, stopping next to my car.

"I… uh, I'm seeing someone."

"You what?"

I can't believe it.

"Yeah, I know Carl was great and everything but Bruce and I are getting so along! I feel so much better around him."

"Wait, who's Carl? Weren't you dating that..."

"Past is past, my dear." – She interrupted me, patting my shoulder. – "And I'm an independent woman whom need some freedom."

The much crazy Jazmin was, the much flirt she was too. That was the only thing I was totally sure about my best friend.

"Did you meet this Bruce guy on one of these random clubs you use to go?"

"Yes." – She answered and I rolled my eyes. – "But… Bruce is different." – I looked at her. – "No, seriously. And he's older so you can imagine he's responsible."

Jazmin looked like she knew what she was talking about.

"You met him on a club full of dirty and drunk people, Jaz."

"But he is nice!" – She was so convinced.

"How old is he?"

"Forty one. But a hot forty one old man. I mean it."

I fixed my hair, realizing it was too messy.

I gave her a sad look, disapproving.

"I'm twenty eight! I know what I'm doing!"

Walking in her direction, I hugged her and rested our foreheads together, holding her head in my hands.

"I trust you, you crazy thing. Just… think twice before act, ok?" – We separated then. – "I love you, ok? Now I have to go. Renata prepared dinner tonight." – I went to the car's door, about to open it.

"I envy you, you know. It's incredible how you can't get tired of her. Like, not even for a second haven't you ever thought of leaving her?" – Jazmin spoke, her voice softer.

"I haven't found any reason to leave her yet. And I'm pretty sure I'll never find."

Jazmin looked down, sighing heavily.

"Oh, Jaz." – I went to her again. I really felt like I shouldn't leave her alone.

"It's just that I've dated so many fucking guys and none of them were enough. Am I the problem? Because seriously, it's killing me, Julia. It's fucking killing me. I'm never stable. Never in my live I dated someone for more than six months. I should break up with Bruce." – She hugged me, burying her face on my shoulder.

"What? No!" – I made her look at me and I took the tears away from her face with my thumbs. – "I'm sorry I doubted but it's just because I love you so much and I don't want you dating the first random guy that flirts with you, you know? But maybe I'm wrong about Bruce. Maybe he's a nice guy. Give him a chance. Take a chance on love."

"Even though I think it's crazy that you're still dating the happy and annoying and ginger Renata, I still think you're the best person to talk to."

I laughed.

"Watch out your mouth when it comes to my girl, ok?" – I hugged her tight.

"I love you, Julia. I couldn't ask for a better best friend."

"Jazmin, do you talk about feelings too?" – We laughed and I kissed the top of her head.

"Jerk." – She smiled.

"Well... do you want to come over for dinner?"

"But wasn't Renata going to cook…?"

"Yup. So what?" – I gave her a warm smile.

"Ain't tonight a romantic night for you two?"

"No, it's just a night, silly. Yes, still romantic, but we cook for each other sometimes. Now please let's get out of here because it's freaking cold."

I held her hand and we went to my house.


	38. Dog Shelter

I was laid on bed with my right leg on the floor.

"I feel so alone sometimes." – I was repeating it.

Renata only laughed on the bathroom. She had the door opened and she was wearing her earrings.

I wanted a dog and I was teasing Renata the whole week. We needed a dog. But Renata always said we were fine without a dog and that she didn't want to clean the mess.

"You're not giving up, aren't you?"

"No." – I answered. – "You're mean."

Smiling, she sat on my side, making me rest my head on her lap as she started to stroke my hair.

"You're not alone, you have me."

"You're not a dog." – I closed my eyes.

"Can you stop acting like a child?" – She laughed.

I opened my eyes and found her staring at me with those green eyes. I leaned and she gave me a kiss.

Her hair had one layer held and the rest of her hair was falling down on her shoulders. It was possible to see her whole face. Her whole stunning face.

"Renata, I'm buying a dog. I mean it."

"Oh, babe." – She made a cry face.

"Don't look at me like this." - Her face got worse. I swear trained this face before. – "This is my weakeness, babe! It's not fair."

"Oh my God." – She smiled. – She held my head with her hands, leaned down and kissed me again. But this time our kiss was more serious.

"I hate you." – She whispered.

"Are we buying a dog?" – I smiled big.

"We are buying a dog."

I sat straight, looking at her.

"Awww, I love you!" – I hugged her. – "Thank you."

She smiled and left the bed..

"Your dog, your poop." – She raised an eyebrow.

"Deal."

At a sunny Saturday we went to the dog shelter to find the perfect dog.

"Oh, Renata, look at this little guy." – There was a white fluffy puppy, whose eyes were too blue. He was limping and he had some bruises around his paw. – "God, what happened here?"

"He's limping, honey." – Renata had a sad face.

"We found him on the middle of the road. All alone. Apparently he was being abused. We found bigger injuries but the veterinary took care of it. He was on the edge of death." – The woman what was showing us the shelter, probably a voluntary or a veterinary, pointed at that lovely Siberian. Husky.

"Oh my God. This is heart-breaking." – I lamented.

"He's still sick but we don't have enough money to take him to a better hospital. And he needs a surgery. See how his paw is injured?" –She took the puppy on her hands, carefully, showing the front left paw.

"Oh, poor puppy." – Renata spoke. I felt like she was quite enjoying the trip.

"Can I hold him?" – I asked.

"Sure. Just… be careful, ok? He must be in pain, still." – She gave me him.

He was slight and warm. He looked at me. Oh, I was in love.

"Hey, little boy." - Renata stroke his hair and he licked her hand. – "Oh." – She giggled.

"What do you think, babe?" – I looked at her.

"I don't know, darling. Gosh, he's so cute." – She bit her lower lip, thinking.

"How old is he?" – I asked the woman.

"The doctor said he's around two four months or less."

"Oh, so young but yet had suffered so much." – Renata's voice seemed like she was suffering. Well, so was I.

"I want him." – I said, immediately.

"Does he have a name?"

"No… We we're thinking about Snow because he's too white but he didn't get used to this name yet so… It's all up to you."

"Is Snow good for you, babe?" – Renata asked me.

"Snow… I don't know. It's too cliché, don't you think?" – The puppy seemed to fall asleep in my arms. – "Look at this cuteness. He's already sleeping!"

"I want to hold him."

"But he's asleep. Let me drive and you get to hold him all the way home."

"Well… I guess you guys are keeping him, right. Let's sign the papers, then?"

After dealing with the bureaucracy, we took him home, where I had already bought food and everything he would need. Apparently he didn't want to leave us so we stayed on the backyard, playing with him.

"We need a name." – I said, as I watched my little show ball running through the glass, as Renata threw the ball so he could grab it.

"How about Warrior? Because that's what this little guy is. A warrior."

"Warrior? It is touching but also a big name, don't you think?"

"He's going to be big, babe." – She grabbed him on her arms. – "That's the perfect name." – She shrugged.

I looked at her and then at him.

"How about Puck?"

She looked at me.

"Puck?"

"He looks like Puck. I don't know." – I was annoyed by my lack of imagination.

"Hey little boy, what about Jimmy Page? Yeah, Jimmy. That's a nice name, isn't it?" – She spoke to the dog, which apparently wasn't understanding a thing and only biting her fingers.

"Jimmy? The Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin? I don't have great memories when it comes to them."

She looked at me and sighed.

"Forget the past. We change." – She winked. – "Let's create new memories. Right, Jim?" – She kissed the dog.

"Well… I guess Jimmy it'll be, then." – I took the dog from her hands and stroked him. – "Right, Jimmy?" – He licked my arm. – "Oh, you're giving me kisses! You liked the name. Momma is genius, isn't she?"

"Oh, wait a second. Screw this 'momma' thing, ok? I feel like I'm a dog. No. For you is Renata, ok?" – She pointed at Jimmy. I was only watching her speech. – "I'm not your momma. My hair is red, that doesn't make sense." – She got up, going to the kitchen.

I started laughing.

"Babe, you're the best."


	39. The Ring

I went out to buy Jimmy's medicines and I stopped by the drugstore and bought new nail polishes. If there was something I was addicted to, it was nail polishes.

"Babe, I'm home." – I said, as I shut the door.

"I'm upstairs!" – Renata answered, her voice echoing the house.

When I entered the bedroom, Jimmy went running, limping a little, and barked loudly.

"Hey, warrior, look at you!" – I dropped the bags on the bed and held Jimmy. – "How's this paw, Jim?"

"I have to go to the school. Claire called. The teacher is not coming for the four thirty class so I have to go there and substitute." – Renata said, as she wore her belt.

I dropped Jim on the floor and made a sad face to Renata.

"Oh, baby."

"I'm sorry." – She went to my direction, smiling, and kissed my cheek. – "I'll be back at six or less."

"Ok, be safe."

She grabbed her purse and her coat.

"I love you." – She said, opening the bedroom door.

"I'm already missing you."

We smiled to each other and she kissed the air. I kissed back.

"Well Jimmy, I guess it's only me and you."

We went downstairs and I let he play on the backyard, making sure he doesn't approach the pool.

I grabbed my red matte nail polish and started painting my nails as I watched Jimmy.

I went upstairs to keep the glazes in the closet. The box was in the high and I had to make an effort to grab it.

"There you… Fuck." – When I grabbed the box, a few sweaters fell on the floor. When I was picking it up, I found a little tiny blue box from Tiffany's. My heart raced. – "Oh. My God." – I dropped everything on the floor and grabbed the box.

Should I open it? Would Renata propose? Was I ready? Was that a ring, actually? Oh my God. I was feeling guilty already. But I was too curious so I opened it.

It was a beautiful ring. Brilliant and had a big diamond on it.

"Jesus Christ." – I whispered. Immediately I closed the box and I kept everything back on the shelf.

Renata was going to propose me!

I instantly called Jazmin.

"Jazmin, you won't believe what I have to say to you."

"What's going on, desperate?"

I took a deep breath before saying the words. The words which I myself wasn't believing on.

"I'm engaged."

"You what?" – Jazmin shouted. – "When? How?"

"Well, actually, she hasn't proposed me yet. But I found the ring hidden on the closet! No way! She's going to propose me!"

"Are you sure it was a ring? Because you're a freak person."

"No, Jazmin. I'm serious." – I was shaking, already.

"You guys have been dating for how long? Five months?"

"Yes!" – I was too excited.

"And you live together. And now… Oh my God, what's wrong with the lesbians? You all make things happen too fast."

I laughed.

"I'm engaged!"

"We shall celebrate."

"But she hasn't proposed me yet."

"Let's go out tonight. She doesn't have to go. I'll invite a few friends, ok?"

"Ok. Great. Awww, I love you, I love her!"

"Stop, Julia. See you at eight."

She hang off the phone.

I was terrified. Petrified. I was engaged!

Twenty minutes later Renata arrived.

"Babe, help me out with these bags." – I heard her calm voice from the front door.

I grabbed a few bags from her hands, kissing her lips as I did it. I was trying not to think about the ring.

"Market was full, you know. But I bought pizza!"

"Oh, honey. I'm going out with Jazmin tonight."

"Are you leaving me alone?" – She hugged me from behind. Her hair was held up on a ponytail.

"Sorry. But we planned this for a long. But you have this big guy, Jimmy. Right, buddy?" – I tapped my thigh so Jimmy could jump.

"Ok, then. If you have planned this before already. There's nothing I can do." – She started to organize the kitchen.

Although I lied about the "plan" part, I couldn't stop but wonder if she didn't want me to go out because she was going to propose tonight.

Oh, God.


	40. Decisions

On Monday we were at work. I was nervous because Renata hadn't said a thing about the ring and about the proposal.

"So?" – Jazmin asked, as we were going to our classrooms.

"Nothing. I'm sick of waiting. I guess I'm going to grab that fucking ring, knee down and propose her."

Jazmin laughed.

"Be patient! When it's time, it'll be."

At the break I went home because I forgot a few quizzes and still shaken by the "ring thing", I went to the closet to grab it and look at it again.

But I didn't find it.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. She was going to propose today!

I went back to work, all electric.

It was the end of the day and nothing happened.

"Hey, gorgeous." – Renata smiled at me, as she made her way to the reception.

"Hey." – I grabbed her hand.

"I need coffee. Can you join me?"

"S.. Sure."

"Are you ok?" – She asked, as we went to the cafeteria.

"Of course I am." – I gave her a fake smile.

I was too impatient.

Fuck, Renata. Propose. Get on your knees, buy me roses. Propose me! Why are you so lazy and so annoying today? I saw the fucking ring!

I was screaming words in my head and I didn't even realize she was talking to me.

"Hello, Earth is calling." – She waved, smiling.

"I'm sorry. But I have to tell you something. I saw…" – I stopped talking when I saw people gathering together and on the center there was Mark and his girlfriend. He went on his knees. He was proposing! I started getting jealous. Damn it, Renata.

I saw myself crying. It was a beautiful scene to be seen.

"I kept the ring with me the whole time, you know." – Renata said to me. – "She had no idea!" – She was smiling and we started clapping.

Oh. So the ring wasn't for me. I felt a little bit disappointed.

"Congratulations!" – Renata hugged her dear friend.

"Thank you. Oh my God." – Mark was red. He was so happy.

Jazmin appeared.

"Well, apparently everybody is getting engaged but you. I'm gonna kill Renata."

"I'm not engaged, Jaz." – I made a sad face, sighing. – "But you know, maybe it wasn't meant to be."

"W-what? You're not engaged? But how?"

"The ring I saw? It's on Rachel's finger." – I pointed at Mark's fiancée.

"But… Oh. I'm sorry."

"Yeah. But I rushed things." – I shrugged. – "At least we love each other and we're together. That's all that matters to me, to be honest."

"You're right." – She kissed my cheek.

When we were going home, Renata was telling all the details about today, about their plans for the engagement… She was too excited.

I was thinking about telling her I saw the box on the closet… But maybe I shouldn't.

We made our way home, me pretending nothing happened and she continuing living her life, without having a clue about how I was feeling and about what really happened.


	41. Fairytale

There was this TV show on Discovery Home&Health about brides and wedding plans and dresses that I was watching to on the living room.

This episode was about a bride whose name was Kate and she was trying to choose her dress. She had her mom and her best friends to help her out and she was too nervous because she was afraid her fiancée, John, wouldn't like it. I laughed at that. It was her dress. Her day. Who cares about the fiancée's opinion on the dress if he's only going to see it on the wedding day and for a few hours?! And besides, he wasn't going to pay for it. So who cares?

I rested my head on the pillow I brought to the coach and hugged it. It was a cold night and it was my day off. Renata wasn't home yet and Jim was sleeping on the floor right below me. I spent the whole day eating and sleeping and doing nothing. It was my first day off in what it felt like years and nothing productive came from it. I toured the room with my eyes. I looked at the fireplace, the big wooden fireplace which Renata was so in love with, still. The living room was a combination with wood decorations, dark brown furnitures and a beautiful green on the walls and on a few objects. My teacup was on the coffee table right in front of me but I was too lazy to go get it and clean it.

It's been a few days since the proposal. We didn't talk about it, really. Not because we didn't care but because it wasn't about our life. But I really wanted to talk about it. I just didn't know how and what was going to be Renata's reaction. She would say I was rushing things. And she hates rushing things. On the beginning of our relationship, for example, it started too fast but then she wanted to make things slower. First steps first and these kinds of stuff.

I love her the way she is. I love Renata. I do. I can't imagine myself anywhere else but in her arms. Safe in her arms. I can't sleep without her on her side of the bed. I can't spend one day without smell her amazing, hallucinating scent. Not her perfume but her natural scent. And I can't live without hearing her laughing at least one time a day. I need her. I'd give her the world if I could.

I smiled as I thought of that. My head was spinning and I closed my eyes. That ring wasn't mine. And she doesn't want to propose. But would she like to be proposed?

'Shut up, Julia.' I thought. God, I was thinking too much. I turned off the TV and buried my face on the pillow, hoping to get some sleep.

Finally, when I felt myself incontinent, Jim barked and he looked at the front door, in alert.

"Jim!" – I instantly sat up straight and followed his eyes to the door.

He suddenly went running to the door as the bell rang. He was barking and jumping.

I saw the distorted image caused by the glass on the door of a tall, white woman and red hair, shaking herself and her umbrella. Was it raining? I opened the door and Renata entered home, freezing and dropping her umbrella to dry.

"Where's your key, babe?" – I said as I closed the door and she took off her wet coat. – "God, you're soaked." – She was all wet from head to toe.

"It started to rain out of nowhere." – She looked at me as she took off her shoes. – "I had too much things on my hands and I didn't have time to grab the umbrella."

"Is everything wet?"

"Uh,, no, no. It was on my briefcase and now it's on my car. But I think it's a bad weather coming. Did you close the windows?" – She sneezed. Her nose was red.

"I closed the windows. Hey, you're cold. Let's go upstairs, I'll warm the water on the bathtub."

"Don't worry. I can take a quick shower and we can watch movies. I rented your favorite." – She said as we were going upstairs.

I stopped, smiling at her.

"Renata, I love you. You're too damn caring but, uh, you're cold. Let me take care of you tonight. I'll put rose petals on the water. Just how you like it. Now stop talking." – I kissed her quickly and made my way to our bathroom.

Renata was laid on the tub, her eyes closed and her head was rested on the edge of it, eyes closed. I was sat next to her, out of the tub. There was a floor on the same level of the edge of the tub on the side she was. I was washing her hair, massaging it.

"It's too good here. I don't want to leave." – Her words went out like they were being dragged to outside of her mouth.

I smiled. I loved making my girlfriend happy.

"My idea was great, wasn't it?"

"Better than any quick shower. Yes. You're amazing." – She opened her eyes and drowned herself a little and then came back.

"Hey."

"Kiss me." – She looked at me.

I hesitated a little and leaned down. We touched our lips. Her lips were cold and I felt the need to warm them.

It was funny if you think of Spider-Man and Mary Jane. We were doing exactly the same thing!

I kissed her chin and kissed her lips again, tasting everything I could, exploring everything I could. 'Seizing the moment', as many would say.

After her bath, we went down to the covers and watched ridiculous but romantic movies about romantic couples, romantic, happy and perfect couples. I was happy like that. I had everything I wanted. I what I most desired was right next to me. My Renata. She was so beautiful. Smiling, laughing, shouting, talking, even crying! I was happy. In fact, I was more than happy.

Renata fell asleep rested in my arms. I kissed her hair and turned off the TV. I was ready to sleep and after wake up next to her, live another day next to her.

I was happy.


	42. My Boss Is A Monster

"Julia, it's been a while, darling!" – Claire went to greet me. She just came back from Hawaii. It's been a miraculous three weeks with no Renata's complain. I was starting to miss it. – "I guess this is your last month working with us, right?" – It was May, already. I would miss working here.

"Yes, it is." – I lightly smiled, as I sat on the table at the Reunion's room. I drank my coffee, trying not to think much. – "How was Hawaii?"

"Good. Me and Jim had a great time there. My daughter Alice is pregnant and we had small issues there but apart from that it was good."

I nodded.

Renata entered the room, the wind making her long flowered dress fly a little. Her perfume was sweet and I could only hear her jewelry touching each other, making annoying noises.

"Nice to see you're back in the game, Claire."

"I needed to be back, dearly. Otherwise this place wouldn't work without me." – Claire looked at Renata through her glasses, giving her her superior look.

"You're right." - Renata's voice was ironic. She put her arms on my shoulders, giving me a small kiss on the top of my head.

"I'd appreciate it if you guys stop showing affection in public. It's not personal, is just that it'd be good for the school's image." – Claire said, as she made her way to the door.

"I'm sorry?" – Renata looked at Claire, already nervous but when she did, Claire had already closed the door.

I turned around, looking at my girlfriend. She had her eyes closed. I got up from the chair and held her hands.

"It's ok."

"She hates me."

"If it's any consolation, she hates me too. I bet she's more than happy that I'm leaving next month." – I smiled with no humor.

Renata opened her eyes, smiling with the same joy I was (which was none).

"You know what? Screw Claire. I have bigger worries and she's nothing compared to the good things that's been going on on my life. Nothing. And oh, Claire, this is for you." – She kissed me, resting her hands on my neck.

"Wow." – I stepped back, breathing hard. – "Love you nervous."

"I'm chilled, if you wanna know." – She raised and eyebrow, looking down.

"I have to go back to work, now." – I giggled a little, as I approached her. – "Are you gonna be ok?" – I stroked her cheek.

She nodded.

'Yeah."

"Kay. See you later, then." – I kissed her temple and left the room.

…

"You won't believe what Claire just said early this morning." – I said to Jaz, as I tried to tie a bun, unsuccessfully. – "God, I hate this short hair." – I said to myself.

"Claire is a bitch." – Jaz shrugged. – "But what did she say?"

"We were chatting, you know. She was talking about her trip to Hawaii and I was all ears. You know she doesn't like Renata, right?" – Jaz nodded, as we made our way to the backyard. – "That is pretty obvious, though. Anyway, Renata appeared and she kissed my hair. You know, this is completely acceptable considering the fact that besides girlfriends, we are friends."

"You are girl friends. This term actually completely fits to you." – She emphasized the 'girl friend' thing.

"I know, right?" – I laughed. – "You're a genius. So, she kissed me and Claire, she… No, I'm gonna say the exactly same words: I'd appreciate if you guys stop showing affection in public." – I looked at Jazmin and she was frightened.

"I can't believe."

"And worst, she even said it was because of the school's image and it wasn't personal." – I said it slowly, as we sat on a bench.

"Oh yes, of course. Because hi, I'm Claire and I don't have issues with ALL my employees, I'm not a bitch and everybody loves me. Come on, go fuck yourself."

"It started all when Renata arrived. She hates her."

"Hi." – Renata appeared in front of me, out of nowhere, holding an apple on her hand. – "Gossiping about me? I know my hair isn't in its best days but it's the new shampoo, I swear." – She sat next to us, biting her way too red apple.

"Hey, love. No, we were talking about Claire."

"And about you too. Bad things." – Jazmin gave a serious but sarcastic look to my girlfriend.

She smiled.

"Claire is ridiculous. I don't know how she's still married. She's not even millionaire to keep the same husband for so long."

"She'll be glad when I'm out next month. She'll spit fireworks." – I rolled my eyes.

"I'll spit bitterness." – Jaz said, emerged in her own thoughts.

"I'll spit nothing. I still have her home, I'll get to see her everyday." – Renata shrugged.

"Yeah, you win." – Jazmin looked at her.

"I'm here. Hi." – I said, feeling totally ignored.

"We'll suffer here without you. I'm gonna throw a party. A farewell party."

Renata and I looked at Jazmin, both unbelieving.

"Fuck you, Jazmin." –Renata slapped Jazmin's shoulder, as she got up to throw her apple on the trash.

I laughed.

"C'mon, babe. Take me to my classroom." –Renata raised her hand for me to grab and she pulled me.

"This party conversation? We're not over." – I whispered to Jazmin, as Renata was pulling me away.

"Julia's in town? Let's have a party! Julia's out? Let's have a party? Julia bought a new house? Let's have a fucking party! Julia's leaving? Let's celebrate! Julia is dead? Oh that's sad, let's have a kick ass party!" – Renata was mimicked Jazmin's voice, pretending an excited face. It was all too sarcastic and all I wanted to do was laugh hard.

"Babe, take it easy."

"She wants a party for pretty much everything. I can't cope with that."

I smiled as I started stroking her hair.

"Relax. Go be my hot teacher inside that classroom. We'll talk about that later."

I leaned to give her a kiss and she stopped me, putting one finger on my mouth.

"No more parties in my house." – She looked deep straight in my eyes.

"Deal." – I took away her finger from my mouth and kissed her lips. – "I love you."

"Love you too. Now let me get in and be the best teacher in this school." – She made her way to her classroom.

"You mean best and hottest."

"Best and hottest." – She winked as she opened the door.

"Oh, you forgot to mention modest."

"Bye, Julia."

I smiled and went to my classroom.


	43. The NY Issue

It was seven in the morning and thankfully it was sunny. A sunny Sunday. I looked at the window smiling. Renata was sleeping, still. It was understandable. I was awake too early. I looked at the pool and it was really tempting. Making and effort not to wake Renata, I went to the closet and changed my PJs to a black swimsuit. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I went back to my bedroom and there she was, all wrapped in blanket. She looked like a big Christmas gift. She was my gift, actually. Her hair was a mess, all spread on the pillow. Her mouth was lightly opened and her facial expression could be descripting as peaceful. I decided I should increase the heater temperature. I grabbed my towel and went downstairs.

"Hello, big boy." – I stroked Jim's hair with my foot. He was getting bigger. His paw was getting better, finally. But the doctor said he would limp forever. Good thing he didn't have to cut his paw off.

It was hot outside, which was funny because it was never hot outside. Always a cold sun or a freezing blizzard.

I looked at the roof and there were a few birds on it. Their singing was a bit of annoying but I didn't care. It was seven fourteen in the morning. Why the heck was I awake? The sun gave me chills and the goosebumps on my body just got worse when I stepped in on the pool.

I swam a little and went inside to prepare some juice. I found vodka on the refrigerator so I mixed my passion fruit with vodka and dropped the liquid on a funny big cup that I had still left from the party and a straw. 'Nice cocktail, I should be a barman. Girl.', I thought.

It was almost ten o'clock when I went back to the kitchen. I was all wet from the pool and Jim was trying to take off my towel.

"Julia?" – I heard the sleepy voice from my sleepy Renata coming from upstairs.

I also heard a few knocks.

"Oh dear Lord, babe. Can you wake up first before start walking around the house, please?

"I guess I'm gonna have a few bruises on my left or… is it right?" – She yawned. – "Knee. Where are you?"

"Downstairs." – I dropped the cup on the sink. – "Stay where you are." – I started climbing the stairs and when I made it to the second floor I saw Renata leaned on the stair railing, her hair looked more like a broom, I ought to say. She was wearing an extra big crumpled white shirt. Because of her whiteness, it was possible to see the redness of her right knee.

"I'm awake." – She yawned again and rubbed her eyes. She looked at me and opened a big smile. – "Oh, hey." – She began to laugh.

"It's on the right knee, baby." – I pointed.

"My eyes were blurred. I know directions." – She defended herself. I came towards her and she hugged me. – "You're cold and wet."

"Oh, really?" – I laughed. – "You're so bad in the morning. Do you get blind or something?"

She laughed harder.

"I just get lazier than usual. But I'm fine." – I bit her chin, lightly. It was good because she was taller than me. – "You need a shower. You smell like chlorine."

"Thank you." – I said it in an ironic tone, smelled my hair and left her embrace. – "But you're right, I need a shower."

"I'm sorry." – She smiled and followed me as I made my way to the next bathroom I saw.

"So… Shower." – I said. Renata was still on the doorway.

"Oh, right. Right." – She smiled again and she left the spot.

"Do you want to be inside here, my love? I'm not expelling you from here…" - I quickly said, not wanting to sound rude.

"No, no. I'm just still lazy. I have to wash my face and do my stuff. Did you have breakfast?"

I nodded.

"I'm making it, then." – She stroked my face and I kissed her cheek.

I locked the door, an act I was always used to.

I chose a red short dress, all flowered and straightened my hair, wanting a different look. I went downstairs, following the delicious smell of butter. Renata had a better looking now. Not that she wasn't pretty before. She's never not pretty. She was just messy and now she is… Well, beautiful as usual.

"I already fed Jimmy. Go sit down. I'm almost done." – Bossy Renata ordered, as she watched me grabbing Jim's food. I dropped it and went to kiss my girlfriend's neck. She smelled irresistible.

"You're hot cooking." – I said as I stroked her lap, her hips and her arms. I felt her smiling and I also felt goosebumps.

She simply giggled.

I kissed the corner of her lips, because she didn't turn around for me. She was really too concentrated on our breakfast.

We went out for shopping and after we had lunch at a fancy restaurant. Renata said she was feeling like a spoiled kid.

We were talking about stupid things, just enjoying each other's company

"We should go to Jazmin's. She said she's upset at you because you never visit her." – Renata leaned her elbows on the table, staring at me.

"You mean, now? She may be busy. It's Sunday, she's probably with some new boyfriend or something like that." – I lightly laughed.

"We're free this afternoon. Come on, baby. Call her."

I looked at her and sighed, having my laziness taking control of my whole body. I nodded positively to her and she smiled.

"May is almost over. Have you decided which job offer you're going to take?" – Renata calmly said, not wanting to sound anxious.

I thought about a few job offers and recommendations I have received.

"I've got an offer on that St. Patrick School, you know?" – She nodded – "But um, that's the only place close to where I live. I know I should've booked more interviews but it's just that it's not usual teaching Portuguese on America. So I'm still thinking. But we'll be cool." – I had my hands shaking a little, not that I was nervous but because long speeches made me bored and I also thought my voice was too annoying for long speeches.

Renata nodded again, making sure to me she was listening. She looked down, probably thinking of what her next words were going to be.

"Maybe you should accept that offer in New York. It's close to your family, it's more like you used to work and… And I think that'd be the best for you."

New York was a tempting offer. I had all I needed there. And it was way too different from where I'm living right now. In New York I had all I needed except from what I ache for the most: my girlfriend. I couldn't move to New York, it'd be the most selfish thing I'd do.

"Discard this option, honey. No way I'm moving to New York." – I grabbed my phone to dial Jazmin's number, in order to change the subject, even though I didn't want to go visit her today.

"But you love New York, we've talked about this so many times." – She lowered her hands to where mine was holding the cell phone. She grabbed it from me, turning it off.

"But I love you." – I looked deep straight at her eyes, making extreme eye contact. She looked down for a second, breathing heavily, her chest moving up and down visibly. – "I love you." – I repeated. – "And your life is here. You built your life here. Only God knows how hard you made to get to this point. You are my life, I thought you had understood that already."

"It'd be selfish if I kept you here in Minneapolis only because of me. I can't do this." – She suddenly got up, giving me back my phone and grabbing her purse. She left the money on the table and ran away from the restaurant.

For a second I froze. What the hell just happened? I went to follow her and I found her on the sidewalk. It was freezing which is funny because the morning was just perfect. I saw her hair a little darker, due to the lack of light of the place. I came closer, stopping by her side. I had my hands on my pockets, a usual act of mine when I'm on those I-don't-know-what-to-do moments.

She was the one that broke the silence.

"You never liked Minneapolis." – From her voice tune, she's been crying.

"I never said that." – I replied calmly, not knowing what to expect from her reaction.

"You never needed to." – She glanced at me. – "You only show. Maybe not consciously, but unconsciously you do."

"This is not true. I can accept the offer in that St. Patrick School."

It was too freeze to chat on the sidewalk, I waited for her to make the first move on the direction of the car. When she did, I followed her in silence. No words were said until we got home. It was an awkward silence. For the first time in months I didn't fell any comfortable in silence with Renata. She was driving and only looking forward. I hated fights and argue and my heart was pumping out so loud it was possible to be heard, now that the only noises were the car's and our breaths.

I opened the door when we got home and ignored Jim.

I dropped my bag on the couch and Renata made her way to our bathroom. No Jazmin for the day, I suppose. I followed her and I found her brushing her teeth.

"Can we just talk about what's going on?" – I was a bit irritated by now, and Renata just ignored until she washed her face and cleaned herself.

"You hate this city! You hate it. You hate every single part of this city, of this state. You hate it. I just… I don't understand you, Julia. I can't understand you. There's no way." – She didn't shout but her voice was louder than usual.

"What you don't understand about me? You're fantasizing this all on your mind. I never said anything about Minneapolis." – I made my way towards her and touched her arm. We were in the bathroom. – "Babe…" – I lowered my voice.

"No 'babe' now." – She shook out her touched arm, taking my hand off of it. I followed her to our bedroom. – "I can't understand you. You look like you like to suffer or something. You have everything you need out of here, in New York, and I don't get it why you're still here."

"I can't go because I have yo-"

"Don't say it." – She interrupted me. – "Don't say you can't go because of me. I can't be the reason to keep you here. I won't." – She was crying a little, her voice was hoarse and somewhat failed.

"I'm not complaining. This is my decision. My happiness is here with you."

"This is not true. You're so young and you have so much to live, you have so many opportunities. You weren't born for this. You were born for so much greater things. Don't… Don't do this."

"I made my decision. There's no way I can be happy without you."

"This is what you think. You don't know anything about life, Julia. I won't be the one that keeps you here." – Renata grabbed her purse back and ran downstairs.

"Renata!" – I screamed from the stairs but she had already left.


	44. Going Home

When I went downstairs, what I feared the most had just happened. I heard the car's sound and she just went away.

I sat on the floor, not crying, not making sounds. Just staring at the door. I swallowed dry and Jimmy lied his body next to my left leg. I stroked him. I didn't know what to think and what my next steps would be. I wasn't sure of anything right now. I never know how to stand in front of a fight. I closed my eyes and rested my whole body on the floor. Jimmy tried to lick my face but I stopped him.

I started to recap the whole conversation. Those flashbacks were just painful. The looks in her eyes, the silent tears, her voice… I just felt like she was angry she was the reason I was here.

Maybe she just doesn't want it. Or she wants to break up and this moment was just the perfect argument. I rolled myself on the floor. This made me think of the beginning of our relationship. To be honest I always come back to where we started. But right now, with all of this going on, I saw my past through different eyes.

I was the one to fall in love with her. I kind of pushed her since the beginning. She was the one who said to take things easy. I didn't, really. But so didn't she. Maybe we just made everything wrong, we just… Rushed.

My throat suddenly felt like suffocating and it was just a symptom of a cry. I squeezed my eyes a little tighter, preventing the tear drops.

I was guilty.

I loved her but maybe she didn't love me the way I do.

I was the one who said "I love you".

We moved in. And there was Jim.

And I felt happy because I felt like we had a family.

I even thought she would propose me.

She didn't.

Again, I rushed.

I just created the whole situation on my head. By this time I was crying.

I grabbed the phone. No calls, no messages.

She wouldn't take too long to come back home because she only had her purse and a car. Maybe a little money but no clothes.

She wouldn't spend the night without me. Would she?

Suddenly my head started spinning. I scared her. I pressured her. Oh, fuck.

"Should I call her, Jimmy? Maybe she doesn't want to see me. Or hear me." – My voice had no enthusiasm.

Jimmy just moaned. It was like he could understand me.

"She hates me."

A few hours passed and it was dark outside. No sign of her.

I had to call her, wanting or not she had to answer me.

"Please, please, answer." – I spoke to myself as I walked around the living room.

After a few attempts, she finally answered.

"I'm heading home." – Her voice was normal, a little less loving but still normal.

"Hey, no, no. Where are you?"

"I needed to leave. In five minutes I'm at the front door."

"No, no, don't." – And she hung off.

I covered my face with my hands and took a deep breath.

"Five minutes. Hear that, Jim?" – I sat on the bench with no apparent emotions. But inside my body was just burning and I had the most terrible headache. I just ignored.

I heard the keys and then saw her. Still the same but with dark circles. I mean, darker circles.

She looked at me, ignoring Jimmy. It wasn't Jim's day. It wasn't ours, also. Cursed be the time we started talking about the job offers.

She sat in front of me.

"I'm sorry I left. I just break down in these situations."

I didn't say anything.

So didn't she.

Someone had to break the silence. I was the one.

"You were out for hours."

"I had to think."

"You could've called."

"I didn't know what to say."

Silence again.

"Is this all really about the New York thing?" – I asked nervously.

"What do you mean?" – She looked up, playing with her own fingers.

"You want me to go to New York. You don't want me here? Is that it?" – I went straight to the point.

"How come you're thinking of this possibility? No, you got it wrong!"

"You want me to go."

"Because that's the best for you. If you don't, Julia, it'll only destroy your life. You're gonna be stuck in here."

"You say that like it's a bad thing, like there's no hope."

"There isn't. I'm just saying that this is the best for you."

"It isn't the best for us."

"Can you please stop thinking of me for a second? This is your future going on here. I have my job. You're going away next month and you haven't even decided where you're going to."

"I have. I'm staying!"

"You're staying because of me!" – We where screaming at each other again.

"Because that's the right thing to do. I cant go and leave you here. You act like you don't love me!"

"This is not a question about love. I don't want to be the reason why you're staying!" – She started lowering her voice just a little.

"This is absurd. We're together! This, what we have, is a relationship!" – I gesticulated. – " And I'm making my decision."

"I suffer from seeing you sad around here just because of me. This is not what I want for a relationship. This is not you and this is not me. We're so wrong!"

The first sentence just broke my heart. I felt so selfish. But I didn't know what to do. I was just around her. And if that wasn't enough, well, then I don't know how to proceed.

I looked down. We were away from each other. It felt like a whole town was separating us. Still, we were at the same house, only a room separating us.

"And if I go we're gonna be apart." – I didn't scream anymore. I just… Spoke. – "You're gonna be here and I'm gonna be there."

"And you'll find someone else. You'll move on." – Renata almost whispered. Her face was just devastated. She didn't make eye contact.

"You'll find someone else." – I repeated, but directing the words to her. – "You'll move on."

"We will."

I let a silent tear fall down with no protest.

"I love you."

She didn't say anything, just stayed at the same position.

"I cant believe you're doing this to us. I thought you loved me back." – I came towards her, she didn't protest too. I took her arms, uncrossing them.

"I love you. But this is your time. Not mine. We can't be together with all of this going on. You understand me when I say that… that I can't be the reason why you're staying? Cause it's wrong. And I'll feel bad for the rest of my life. It would never work out. We're just not meant to be. I'm…" – Her words just broke me all inside. I felt her breath. She was still looking down. Her hair was falling on her shoulders perfectly. She was more beautiful than ever. Maybe it's because I was already missing her. Us. Acceptance was a hard thing. Maybe she was right.

"Sorry." – I completed her sentence. She looked at me and we were both crying. She crossed her arms again and I didn't make any move. We touched our foreheads. – "Kiss me goodbye." – It was a whisper. I was too weak to speak.

Her right hand held my head from behind, making me come closer. Her other hesitated a little, but touched my hip lightly, one finger at time. It gave me a wave of electricity.

Our noses touched and we were only millimeters of distance. I was staring at her lips, then at her eyes. So was she. Until our lips touched. I cried harder when I felt her warm lips against mine. It was supposed to be a beautiful thing. But it was just painful.

Our kiss intensified. But only for a minute.

"I'm gonna get my stuff. Anything I'll be at Jazmin's."

Her eyes were sad. I last looked at her before going upstairs for the last time.


	45. Best Friends For The Worst

Jazmin was really receptive. It was great to have a friend like her. She helped me out so much.

I felt uncomfortable because her boyfriend was around and I didn't want to kill the moment.

"I can go to a hotel. Really." – I felt embarrassed, as her boyfriend left.

"What? No! Of course not. He was just leaving anyway, you know." – She put her hands on her back pockets.

I didn't want to cry although I needed to.

"It happened, right?" – Jazmin asked. We both knew what she was talking about.

I started crying and she hugged me.

"Oh, sweetheart."

"I… I love her, Jaz. I though we'd last, I… I don't know what to do." – Tears were falling. Jaz was stroking my hair.

"I didn't want to tell you that but… I knew it would happen someday."

"Was that that obvious?"

"Sit down." – She pushed me to the couch. – "I'll make you a hot beverage and we'll talk. Calm down a little, honey"

I curled myself on the couch, waiting.

"Julia, I've wanted to tell you this for a while." – She came back looking at me. I sat up straight as she approached me. – "I know Renata for a while. And uh, she never gets along with the same person for too long except for Mark and… You. She loves you, if that's what you're asking yourself right now." – Jazmin watched my confused facial expressions while she was talking.

"But if she loves me, why did she break up with me?" – I cleaned my face but more tears fell down.

"She's just insecure. I know it feels like she's not, Julia, but she is."

The only thing that was going through my head was the happy moments. I miss her so much. If none of those things happened, right now we'd be watching some terrible comedy movie, giggling about anything and maybe we'd be making love. But now, here I am at Jazmin's, feeling my world crashing down. Renata was probably feeling the same way. Or maybe better than me because after all she was the one that break up with me.

"She practically expelled me."

"Julia, do you know what it's like dating someone really younger than you?"

"But that's not the point, there's no way sh-"

"That's the point. Listen." – She interrupted me.

I took a deep breath.

"She feels guilty because you're capable of so many greater things. New York is your life. Her life is here. My life is here. But your life isn't here. Renata feels responsible. Maybe because she's older, maybe bec-"

"She's not my mom, for fuck's sake!" – I was the one to interrupt this time. – "She can't decide anything for me. I love her and I want to be with her. The point is that she doesn't want to be with me. She doesn't, she…" – I cried harder. – "I'm so angry right now."

Jazmin got up and went back to the kitchen. When she came back, she had a cup on her hands and she gave me.

"Drink it, darling."

I looked at my reflex on the beverage and although it was dimmish, I could see a sad stupid girl through it, whose face was all terrible, eyeliner all down the face. I looked like a clown.

"I'm terrible,"

"You need to clean yourself, yeah."

"Do you think moving to New York are going to make things feel better for me?"

She only nodded.

"Life goes on and sometimes it's not like how you imagine. I'm sorry." – She gave me a perky smile.

I smiled a little.

My life was a mess right now.

"How do you think she's gonna be?"

Jazmin gave me a long look.

"I don't know, darling." – She held my hand.

I was sad and Renata was the only thing on my mind.

We ended up the night curled up on the couch. Jazmin wanted me to go to bed but I refused.

I watched cartoons until I fell asleep.

It would be a long day.


	46. Missing and Regret

It was summer vacation and thankfully I didn't have to go to work and see her.

Most of the days I spent lied in bed, not wanting to move or go anywhere. Or even breathe. But I had to.

"…And I can't breathe without you but I have to." – I hummed Breathe, a song by Taylor Swift. I didn't even know why. It felt ridiculous. The next moment I buried my face on the pillow.

Partially I was feeling extremely annoyed by the fact my last phone calls or messages were either Jazmin's or my mother's. I wanted to throw my phone away. On the other hand, if threw it, I'd never have the chance to receive a message, or even a phone call from Renata. Oh, Renata. That name brings me such good yet terrible feelings. Nostalgia, mostly. I never liked that feeling. I always felt like I could've done better with my past. And right now I was feeling like a crap. There was nothing I could do.

There's no hatred in my heart. There would never be any kind of hate when it comes to Renata. Although all I wanted to feel was hate, the only thing I could feel was missing and regret. I wanted to hate her. It would make me feel so much better. But instead I was pleading in my head that she could come back. Regret of what she said and come back. Call me.

On the other part I was feeling worried. Worried about my future, which was practically all planned. I didn't know if that was what I wanted or what I needed. Maybe it was none of those options. I felt like I was forced. But yet, I have to agree that maybe all of that happened because it was meant to be. Maybe Renata wasn't the one. Maybe another girl will appear in front of me and I will feel love. Maybe what I felt for Renata wasn't love. Maybe I don't know what love is.

I didn't cry this time. I just kept my eyes closed, still thinking.

I loved her and if I stayed here, took this job on St. Patrick, it would make things different and she would finally notice that all I want is her. Us.

I got up and I was alone at Jazmin's place. I was wearing pajamas, still. And it was two pm already.

That wasn't me.

I showered and looked at myself on the mirror. I started remembering of our last conversation.

I specially remembered one scene. I was on the living room and she was on the dinning room. This memory was painful. Her face was only pain. I can tell by her face she was suffering as much as I was. Or maybe more. I just could never understand her need to feel responsible for me.

I guess it's because I was alone. Just as alone as her. We took care of each other. Oh my. I was crying again.

I remembered she saying that she was suffering from seeing me sad here only because of her. She was right. That wasn't a relationship.

I hate Minneapolis.

I fucking hate Minneapolis.

I hate it with all my strength.

I wanted to punch something, break something.

Thank God I was able to control myself.

The next morning I took a plane and in a few hours later I was in New York. I told Jazmin I didn't want her to go with me. It'd be better. And I needed my time to be alone.

My parents didn't ask me why Renata and I broke up. It'd be terrible have to remember that all over again. It'd be painful.

Pain was the word of my life right now. I was so fucking miserable.

The interview was at a private school at New York and I was tired.

I guess my interview went pretty bad. But yet, I tried.

No clicks on that school. Neither hot teacher nor hot principals.

I really felt like that Breaking Down book by Stephenie Meyer. When Jacob goes out in order to imprint on someone.

It was pathetic.

I was childish. Renata was right.

Fuck.

I couldn't stop thinking of her.

This time, I almost destroyed my office room. I felt awesome for the first time.

The next week I received a call from the school.

"We really liked you, ms. Hammilton. You can come up here tomorrow and next month, when the kids come back from their summer activities, you can start."

Well, that means that I had a job.


	47. Moving On

There were two weeks left until my first day at my new job. I was at my parent's house.

I needed a new place to live. I felt too old to stay under my parent's roof.

They disagreed, saying that I was young and all.

I didn't feel young. I was old enough to have my own life.

I touched my necklace. The one Renata gave me. I wasn't ready to take that off yet.

And I don't think I'll ever be. I sighed, knowing that although I wanted, nothing was going to change anymore.

I called Jazmin only to know how she's been doing.

"I'm fine. It seems that Arthur and I are going steady." – She said. Who's Arthur and why the heck I never know her boyfriend's names?

"The one I last met?"

"Yeah, yeah. He's so awesome. Ah." – Jazmin was a dreamer. I was happy for her.

Wish I had the same lucky. Thinking of that was funny because I was always the lucky one. I always had Renata when she changed boyfriends like she changes clothes.

"I'm happy for you, Jaz. I really am." – I tried to sound excited but I failed.

"Oh… Oh, dear. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

I swallowed.

"What? No, you should have. I'm happy that you found someone. I hope he treats you right."

"He's a gentleman. You've seen."

I laughed, wanting to sound happy.

"How are you, darling?" – She asked.

"I'm…. I got the job."

"Oh, really? Yay! Wish I was there and throw a party for you. Cheers to your new job."

I didn't say anything.

"Julia?"

"Hey, um. Yeah, uh, cheers."

"Julia, you need to move on. Come on. New life. This is what you want."

"Come back to my parents is not what I want."

"New York and success with something you like? That's what you ever wanted. And your parents, you can just move. Simple."

"They say I'm young and now that I'm here it's even more difficult."

"They just miss you, darling."

I smiled a little. At least my parents miss me.

"How thing's been doing up there?" – I asked. I had a little hope that she would mention the school or even… Her. I wanted but I didn't wanted at the same time.

"I'm planning classes. Mark was here the other day. We bowled. It was super cool."

"I'm glad you've became friends with him."

"Thanks to you."

"Ha. And how he's been doing?" – I insisted.

"He's great. They're getting married on December. The invitations are going to be done by September and he really wants you to go."

I breathed hard.

"I don't know…"

"Yeah, it's ok if you don't want to go. We understand."

My heart raced a little.

"You never liked us, Jazmin."

"No. I liked, honey. Of course I liked you together." – She calmly answered. – "I confess that sometimes I got a little envy but uh… You were happy."

"I was happy. What about her? You don't like her that much."

"I do, I…"

"You don't have to say anything."

"Julia, I –"

"It's ok. It's over." – I sighed. – "Have you seen her? Any news? How she's been doing?"

She took a while to answer.

"I haven't seen Renata, if you want to know. But uh, she's ok. I heard she sold the house. I didn't want to tell you that, but… You asked."

I wanted to cry right now. Moving on was hard. But she was pretty fast.

"Ok. Sold the house."

"I'm sorry."

"No. It's ok. Jaz, I've got to go now. I'll call you some time."

"It's ok, darling. I'm glad you called. Let's keep in touch. Wish you all the best on your new job."

"Thanks, Jaz. I wish you luck on love with… uh…"

"Arthur." – Jazmin laughed at the other side.

"Arthur, right. I forgot." – I laughed a little. – "I love you and thanks for everything."

"Oh, darling… I'm gonna cry I miss you!" – She made her "awwwwn" voice. – "Love you too, sister."

"Bye, then."

"Toodles."

And we hung off.

Renata sold the house. Jimmy is my dog and he's with her. I trusted her. She would take care of him.

I wanted to call her and hear her voice. But I couldn't.

Our house is sold out now.

And I don't know where she is now.

Not that I wanted to find her.

Well, I wanted but I wouldn't.


	48. I Was Drinking Now I'm Drunk

I woke up at five in the morning. I was anxious for my first day at a new job.

"Hi. I'm Julia. I'm, uh, the new teacher." – I presented myself as I entered the Teacher's room. It was a lot more sophisticated than that school I used to work. More like me. Or my family's fortune. Oh, not like me.

I liked the simple, less complicated.

The next days were long. I had to work all the day. I was tired almost every night.

I wanted to take a walk on the streets but it was pretty dangerous. And there were lots of paparazzi.

It wasn't only because of my family but because of my brother. He was always on scandals.

I went back home spitting fire.

"I hate New York."

Next week, guess what? I was the front of a business magazine.

Famous again.

I hate my life.

I went back to zero. Back to the spotlight, back to the photos, fame…

And I had to wear high heels. I almost fell down once.

I had a few friends in New York. There was Jackie, Charlie and Cameron. But they weren't friends like Jazmin. I think it's because Jazmin knows me before I was famous. These people only like me for my status.

The next month I was moving to my new house I bought. It was a big duplex. Amazing.

I called Jazmin again and she told me she still had Arthur as her friend. I didn't ask about Renata this time.

I didn't have anyone since her. I wasn't ready.

Some girls have flirted with me but nothing too serious.

One night I was getting ready to head home when I saw a woman on the parking lot. She was tall and ginger. I only saw her from behind.

My heart raced and I had hope. Even knowing that this was impossible.

She couldn't be here. No way.

When the woman turned around I had a lot of expectations. But she wasn't her.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces all over again.

I cried again.

Instead of going home, I went to a bar and drank. People always do that on movies. When they're disappointed, sad or don't have the love of their lives – which is my case - they drink. That's what I did.

I cried and shouted and a few people helped me. But I was a disaster.

I wanted my Renata back. I couldn't be without her.

She was the love of my life.

What they said to me? Bullshit.

I cried harder. Got anger.

But I couldn't judge my words or my thoughts. I was drunk.

I woke up at home.

I was on the news again.

This time as a drunken irresponsible spoiled little rich girl.

I had the worst hangover ever.

After a long bath and caffeine, I slept. I wasn't hungry and I probably stayed all day looking at the newspaper.

I was probably fired by now. But whatever, I never liked that school anyway.

I then went to look at my cell phone's pictures. I haven't done that for a while and I had to delete a few.

There was this file with only Renata and I pictures.

I needed guts to open that file.

When I did, the first photo that popped out at the screen was one of her sat on the floor of our balcony, with Jimmy on her lap. She wasn't smiling. Not because she was sad but because I took that photo of her from surprise. Tears started falling down when I thought I didn't have any water left on my body anymore from so much crying.

The next photo was one of us. It was a terrible picture because I took it. Renata had her eyes closed and she was smiling. She was laughing. I was kissing her cheek. It was a really cliché picture. But I liked kissing her. We had a lot of pictures kissing each other, or holding hands. But most of the pictures she was alone. I loved taking pictures of her. Her smile was beautiful. So was her eyes.

I missed her so much. I realized that I couldn't get any over of her with those pictures. My heart hurt as I was about to delete the first picture. I didn't have the courage.

Instead I dialed her number. She wouldn't know it was me because I dialed from a restricted number.

I didn't know why I was doing such pathetic thing but I wanted to hear her voice.

"Hello?" – She hung up.

Her voice was still the same. I cried as I heard it. I wanted her to be more talkable but I couldn't say anything so she would know it was me.

"Hello?" – She repeated. – "Shit." – She kind of whispered and hung off the phone.

I stayed with the phone on my ears, reliving that brief moment that just happened three seconds ago. I heard her voice.

She sounded normal. Maybe she moved on, after all.

I didn't sleep that night. I kept wondering if I said something. What I would say and what her reaction would be.

The next morning I decided to call her from my number. My heart raced so much it felt like it'd be the first time we'd ever spoke.

Before I touched her number on my phone, I gave up.

"No." – I moaned to myself.

I kept looking at the screen for what it felt like hours.

Then I finally dialed.

"Hey." – It was Renata. She probably still had my phone number.

"Hey." – Silence. I was nervous. Too nervous. – "I just wanted to hear your voice."

She didn't say anything. I could hear her breathing.

"It's been a while." – Her voice tune was a little amended.

"Yeah."

Silence again.

"Uh, Jim is walking better than ever. Um… I guess he won't limp anymore in a few months."

She started a conversation. Oh my.

I was fangirling again. Just like the first time. I felt awkward.

"Oh, this is… Great! I miss little Jim."

"Well, he's not that little anymore."

A tear fell from my eye.

"I got the job here."

"I knew you would. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

Silence was awkward but I was a little happy I was talking to her again. Even through the phone.

"Thought you didn't have my number."

"I always have."

I felt butterflies all over again.

"Jazmin said you sold the house."

She took a while to say anything.

"I… I felt like that was the right thing to do."

"Thought you liked the house."

"I… I… Too big for me." – She was nervous. I could tell this by her voice.

"It's your birthday next Wednesday. Uh… I don't know if I'll get the chance to speak to you again so… Happy birthday." - I was walking around the house while I was talking. I was just too nervous, too scared to stay at the same spot for too long.

"I hate birthdays. I'm just getting older."

"I miss you. I just wanted to tell you that." – I finally said. Maybe too fast but I didn't care.

"Julia…"

"No. I want to tell you that. I miss us. And I know you'll never love me like I love you but… I had to tell you that. It's been hard for me here alone."

She didn't say anything. So I continued.

"I wanted to be with you. But I can't."

"You're only in New York for three months."

"And I can't stand it anymore!"

"Give yourself a chance."

"Give us a chance."

"I'm gonna hang off."

"No, you're not." – I was crying already. – "I love you." – Silence. – "Tell me you love me. It's a lie if you don't." – I closed my eyes.

"You called me just to make me feel bad, didn't you?" – She was crying too.

"I called you because I can't stand one more day without you. If that makes you bad then I'm sorry but you should never allow me to fall so much for you."

"I'm sorry."

"I knew it. I knew it."

"I love you, darling. I… I love you. So much."

We were both crying on the phone.

"I miss you, Renata. I miss everything about you."

"This is not right."

"Us being apart is not right."

Silence again. But only for a short time.

"I've… I've got to go, Julia."

"Ok… Uh…"

"I know.."

I hung off first this time and cried the whole day.

She loved me.

Why life was that so hard?


	49. New Day

On Monday the invitation for Mark's wedding arrived. It was beautiful. All green a pastel tones.

What a pity I wasn't coming.

I kept the invitation on my drawer. I had to call Mark later. He would understand. I loved Mark but that just wasn't my moment.

On that same day I resigned from work. That was not what I wanted.

Lately I didn't have anything I wanted. It was ironical. I laughed at my own joke with no humor as I headed my parents' house for lunch.

I went back home and Grey's Anatomy was on.

I loved Grey's Anatomy. It was the musical episode. Callie and Arizona were my favorite couple and this episode was Callie-centered.

"2 am and she calls me cause I'm still awake,

Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?

I don't love him, the winter just wasn't my season.

Yeah, we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes

Like they have any right at all to criticize

Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

Chyler Leigh's voice was just terrible but I sang along, resting my head on the pillow. I didn't know why, really, but it seemed to help.

Cause you can't jump the track

We're like cars on the cable

And life's like a hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button, girl

So cradle your head in your hand

And breathe… Just breathe

"Oh breathe… Just breathe!" – I almost shouted the last piece of the lyric.

I went to the kitchen and came back with a big ice cream pot. If it was to be miserable, let's be classy miserable.

There's a light at each end of this tunnel

You shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make that again

If you'd only try turning around"

I turned off the TV. Enough for the day.

I kept thinking of the last verses of the song. "And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make that again if you'd only try turning around." If I persist on the same thing, I'll make the same mistakes.

I just wasn't sure if my persistence was Renata or New York.

I went to sleep with that on my mind.

Tuesday was boring. Like extremely boring. I didn't have anything to do. Yet I didn't want to see anyone.

Wednesday was Renata's birthday. I wanted to be with her on her birthday.

I wanted us to be girlfriends again.

I wanted my life back.

I'd wake her up with kisses and make her breakfast. I'd do everything for her on her special day.

"Happy birthday, my love." – I said to myself, as I looked through the window. It was sunny. Not too hot and the sun wasn't bothering me from sit in front of the window and watch the world.

I went to the market and then shopping for clothes and furniture.

As I was making my way home, there was a few cats no a box on the sidewalk. Nobody was around and they were meowing.

"Oh, my God. You'll all alone here, aren't you?" – I spoke to them. I noticed something written on the box. 'Adopt me' was on it.

"Oh, hey. Interested?" – An old lady appeared, her glasses a little crooked, an amicable smile on her lips.

"I'm just looking." – I smiled back. – "Are those yours?"

"Until they find a new home, yes, they are."

"They're cute. Really cute."

"I'd take one for me, if I was you."

I giggled.

"I don't know…" – I looked at the box full of kitties. – "Oh, hey…" – The smallest, all black and white, meowed at me and I didn't resist and grabbed it.

"Liked this one, madam?"

"Yes. Cuteness! You're a… Boy." – I checked.

"Take him. He'll make your family happy. Kids like kitties."

My smile disappeared a little.

"Yeah… Well, I'm taking him, then."

"Oh, ok. Nice choice."

"Maybe the best in months." – I sighed and smiled at her. – "Thank you."

"Thank you, madam.. Have a nice day."

"Have a nice day to you too, lady."

I went back home with a cat. I was crazy. That's the only explanation.

I spent the afternoon on the pet shop, making the check-ups and buying all the needing stuff for my new cat.

"Here you go, cat." – I prepared his meal and gave it to him.

He was the cutest thing in the world.

"At least I'm not alone anymore."

At night I was watching TV on the living room, the cat was scratching his new toy.

I was curled with the pads, wearing striped pants, all white and baby blue, and a black t-shirt.

"All by myself. Don't wanna be all by myself." – I hummed, laughing with no humor as I got up from the couch when the movie was over. – "Fuck feelings. I have a cat. A hardcore cat."

The kitty meowed, running around meowed.

I went to the bathroom to comb my hair. It was a little longer. I could make a bun with my hair by now.

The door bell rang and I huffed. I didn't want visits and I also didn't order anything.

Why can't people leave me alone? It was my ex-girlfriend's birthday and I was in the mourning. RIP relationship.

Lazily, I went downstairs. Automatically I turned the keys and when I opened the door, there she was.

Beautiful. She was stunning. Jim was on her hand, all desperate for me. On the other hand she had a book. A pink thick book.

My mouth opened. I was thrilled, in shock.

"Hey, Julia. May I come in?"


End file.
